Guidance: Can Developmental Trauma Cause Someone To Be Dependent On External Guidance?

One thing that someone may find is that it is often difficult for them to know what to do. So, there will be how this affects them each day and the effect it has on their life as a whole.

As a result of this, they are likely to have two ways of deciding what it is that they need to do. First, they can ask others for advice and second, they can expose themselves to a lot of information and then do what is logical.

The First

When it comes to the first option, they are going to be like a child who need their parent/s to tell them what to do. This is not to say that looking toward others is ‘bad’, it is just that now that they are an adult, other people are not always going to know what it is that they need to do.

Of course, there will be times when they will know but there are also going to be times when they have absolutely no idea what is best for them. Therefore, to be overly reliant on others for guidance is not truly going to serve them.

The Second

When it comes to the second option, they are going to need to have access to a lot of information. This will give them the ability to cover all angles and then make the right decision.

Having access to a lot of information is not a bad thing, but once again, this is not necessarily going to allow them to know what is best for them. Furthermore, this could just cause them to feel overwhelmed.

The Same Outcome

Ultimately, they could speak to the most intelligent people on the planet or have the best information available but this won’t necessarily shine the light on what they need to do. Another human being and information can guide them, but as they are not them and this information will have come from other human beings, it can only do so much for them.

One way of looking at this would be to say that while external guidance can help them along the way, they need to know where they are going or at least have a rough idea. This emphasises what external guidance can and can’t do.

Their Experience

If there have been moments when they have felt as though they have been on the right track, there will have likely been far more when they haven’t. However, when it comes to the latter, they may have often felt as if they were doing the right thing.

This is perhaps because someone else or a number of people said that this was the right thing and/or they came to this conclusion after weighing up all the information that was available to them. But, this might not have been how they felt for long, with them soon feeling frustrated and even empty.

A Strange Scenario

At this point, they could be sick and tired of living in this way and wonder why it is often so hard for them to know what to do. It could be as though this is just what they are like and they just have to put up with it for the rest of their life.

If they were to look back on their life, they may find that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. Thanks to this, they could come to the conclusion that they were just born this way and that they are missing something that other people have.

A Closer Look

There is the chance that they were not born this way or are missing something, and that what took place during their early years played a big in why they are this way. Their developmental years may have been a time when they were often neglected.

From practically the moment they were born, then, they would have missed out on the love that they needed to be able to grow and develop in the right way. The handle the pain that this would have caused them, they would have automatically repressed how they felt and gone into a shut-down, collapsed, frozen and disconnected state.

The Outcome

This would have caused them to become estranged from their emotional self and, thus, stripped them of the guidance that this part of them would provide. It is this part of them that would play a big in allowing them to know what is right for them in each moment and their life as a whole.

By not receiving what they needed, there is the chance their brain was unable to wire properly, which, in addition to being in a shut-down state, is why they find it so hard to connect with how they feel. Their right brain develops first, whereas their left brain develops after, and this is why they can have a well-developed intellect and an under-developed emotional self.

Out of Their Control

Taking this into account, there is nothing inherently wrong with them and how they are isn’t their fault. They are this way due to what took place when they were a powerless and totally dependent infant.

Reconnecting to themselves is likely to take courage and patience and persistence. The reason for this is that their body is going to be carrying a lot of arousal and pain, and working through this arousal and pain will take strength and it won’t happen overnight.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk