While there will be moments where one’s emotional experience reflects reality, there can also be moments when it doesn’t. In this case, it could be said that there is no reason for one to feel the way that they do.
However, even though there will be moments where it isn’t necessary for one to feel a certain way, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this. But even if they do realise this, it might not mean that they will be able to simply let go and to carry on with the rest of their life.
If one was in a position where they were happy during the wrong moments, they could say that this is a ‘good thing’. In their eyes, it could be seen as the ideal way to live, as they are not going to be effected by the ‘negativity’ of life.
Along with this, there could also be other people who have the same outlook, and they could see them as a role model. Yet even though this could be seen as the ideal way to experience life, there are going to be times when it is not going to be appropriate for one to be happy.
If one was to find out that they have been taken advantage of or that one of their family members had been taken advantage of, it would be necessary for them to get angry in order to take action. Whereas if they were unable to change their emotional state, they may find that it is not possible for them to do anything about what has taken place.
Also, if one was to lose a loved one or a member of their family, it would be normal for them to experience a number of emotions from the opposite side of the emotional spectrum. But if they were unable to experience these emotions, it wouldn’t be possible for them to grieve.
However, although there are going to be certain feelings that some people would like to experience all the time, there are going to be others that they would like to avoid at all times. The reason for this is when one experiences them, they are not going to cause them to feel good; they are going to cause them to feel bad.
They could believe that if they no longer had to experience a certain feeling, their life would be so much better. Yet even though experiencing a certain feeling at all times would lead to problems; there would also be problems if one didn’t have the ability to experience a certain feeling.
There are at least two feelings that one might want to avoid: one is guilt and the other is shame. Both of these feelings will cause one to feel uncomfortable, but this doesn’t mean that they don’t have a part to play in one’s life.
For instance, if one was to do something wrong, it would be normal for them to feel guilty, and this could then mean that they will end up feeling ashamed. When one feels guilty, they can believe that they will be punished, and when one feels ashamed, they can believe that they will be abandoned.
So as much as these feelings will cause one to feel uncomfortable from time to time, they are an important part of having a conscience. One way to see how important this is will be for one to imagine how they would feel if a friend arranged to meet them and then didn’t turn up, and instead of apologising, they just dismiss the whole experience.
Now, it could be said that this is a fairly trivial example, but what it looks at is what can happen when someone has lost touch with their guilt and shame. When one can experience these two feelings, it will be a lot easier for them to develop healthy relationships with others.
The trouble is that even though these are two feelings that play a vital role in having a conscience, they can also make one’s life a living hell if they were experience them all the time. When this happens, it is going to be more or less impossible for one to feel good about themselves.
Thus, even if they haven’t done anything wrong and have nothing to feel ashamed of, they can feel as though this is not the case. It then might not matter what they do or who they are with, as they can feel the same.
So whether one has the tendency to feel guilty and/or ashamed it could be normal for them to feel down. They may find that they don’t allow themselves to experience anything that will have a positive effect on then.
Another way of looking at this would be to say that they are punishing themselves, and because of this, they might find that they put with bad behaviour from others. If one was to take a closer look as to why they feel guilty, they may find that they believe that they have let someone down.
And while this could relate to someone who is alive, it could also relate to someone who is no longer on this planet. This could be someone who passed on a number of months ago or it could be even longer.
As they start to think about the person who passed on, they may believe that they didn’t do enough for them whilst they were alive. Perhaps they didn’t visit them enough, or there may have been a certain amount of tension between them. Along with this, they may also feel guilty for being alive, among other things.
If one was to take a step back here, they might come to see that they did the best they could during this time. And that if they knew what they knew now, they would have done something different
However, at the time they didn’t know any different and that’s why they behaved in the way that they did. And as to being alive, they could ask themselves if the person who has passed on would want them to suffer; they could also imagine how they would feel if they had passed on and a loved one was experiencing life in the same way that they are.
This could be seen as one part of the process, and the other part will be for one to cry out the pain that is within them. Through crying out the pain, one may find that it is possible for them to gradually let go of the guilt that they are experiencing
One may need support here and this is something that can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.