When someone has experienced some kind of abuse as a child and this could be physical emotional, verbal or sexual, there is often the need to recover as fast as possible. To look for the answers and to find the solution or solutions that will make everything better.
This is natural and must partly reflect that part of human nature that causes one to want something instantly and without delay. That childlike part of us that is not prepared to wait a moment longer.
Another outlook would be to say that life is short and why should one wait any longer than they need to. Plus, as anyone will know who has experienced pain as a result of one of the options above, it is far from pleasurable and can make life unbearable.
And one thing is certain, and that is that one should not suffer unnecessarily in life. If something or someone can assist them and put an end to their suffering, then it is imperative that one takes advantage of the help available.
But although reaching out for support is important and essential in most cases, it doesn’t mean that this is what always happens. If one has been abused for instance, they can end up carrying a lot of shame and even think that what took place was normal.
This means that they could put up with it and instead of realising that the people around them were dysfunctional, they come to conclude that they were the problem. And if one sees themselves this way, then feeling flawed is going to be expected.
So what these scenarios create is a heavy burden and the outlook that there is something inherently wrong with them.
To look for solutions and to ask the right people for guidance is what one needs to do, but the shame that they carry can sabotage the whole process. And as well as shame, there could be fear, guilt and the feeling that one is worthless.
Each of these will come together and could put the brakes on ones healing journey and in the worst case scenario, they could completely derail it.
However, once someone has reached out and starts to receive the support that they need, it would be natural for them to want to move on as quickly as they can. Some people might be happy to just go with the process that has been laid out by others or that they have laid out themselves.
And there are many options out there, from: healers, therapists, psychologists, counsellors, coaches and support groups. There will be people who deal with the mind and others who will deal with the body. While one option might be seen as being better than another, each one of these options can have a time and a place for someone.
What matters is not what others think of these options, how they rate them or the experiences they have had. It will come down to what ones needs are and what is right for them. And that is something that one must ultimately decide for themselves: no other can make this decision.
Other people might have been through a similar experience to what one went through or so it seems and because of this one starts to compare themselves with them. And perhaps they had the kind of therapy that one is having and their progress was faster or they chose to heal themselves in other ways.
Doubt could then fill one’s mind and the feeling that they will never change could arise. However, it irrelevant what another person is doing or is not doing. What matters is that one honours their own journey and does what they need to do.
It might not match up with others and could seem to be taking longer, but then one is not here to be a carbon copy of another human being. They are on their own journey and one that cannot be compared with another human being.
On one side can be the need for heal quickly and to move on as fast as one can. And this need can then backed up by healing techniques or certain therapies that offer one the chance to cut back on the amount of time it would take with alternate means.
For some people this will be possible and for others it won’t be enough. When it comes to the first example, the reasons the technique works so fast for them is probably because they are at that stage in their development and has little to do with the technique itself.
In the second example, there could be the need for one to have a certain amount of mirroring and attunement from a therapist in order to heal. And this is something that can’t be rushed.
It can all depend on how much damage was done in their early years and what one has done since those years. The therapist/ healer is also just as important, if not more important, than the type of therapy involved. As if one doesn’t trust them, then they won’t be able to let go and allow themselves to heal.
Emotional repression is common in the today’s world and if one experienced a childhood that was less than nurturing, it is likely that they had to repress their emotions. And while certain therapies will just touch the surface, there are others that will go a lot deeper and allow one to release them.
And how ready they are to heal will often define what kind of therapy they are drawn to; either consciously or unconsciously. If ones repressed emotions were to come up at the wrong time and with the wrong therapist, it could be overwhelming.
When they do appear, it could be because one is with the right person or people who will allow them to release them or it because one will soon find the right assistance.
At times it might feel like nothing is happening and that the answers that one wants are nowhere to be found, and this is where the importance of trust comes in. Each step that one takes is leading them to where they need to be.
The process of healing might not happen as fast as one wants it to, but it is happening at a rate that suits ones personal evolution. And as long as one keeps going, what they need will gradually appear.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.