There can be a number of reasons as to why someone would be in a bad way and unable to simply ‘get on with life’ or to ‘put the past behind them.’ Perhaps their early years were very abusive or maybe they experienced a lot of neglect during this time.
It could go back even further than this as their birth or their time in their mother’s womb could have been traumatic. Then again, they might be able to relate to all of these experiences.
Either way, they will do what they can to find the answers that they need, so that they can live a life that is worth living. They may have been looking for answers for a few months or they could have been for a number of years.
If they have been this way for a quite some time, they could realise that not everything is going to fall into place on a weekend course or a week-long retreat. It could be clear that they are on a healing journey, which means that they are never going to be completely healed.
Still, this doesn’t mean that they will always be in a bad way; what it means is that they will always have issues to work through or clear. Through having this outlook, they might be able to settle down and to trust that they are going in the right direction.
Whereas if they believed that they were heading to a destination where they would be totally healed, it would be a lot harder for them to take their foot off the gas and to let go. Naturally, they would need to get to this destination as fast as possible, so that they are no longer by their inner wounds.
This is why it is so important for them to be patient and persistent. Having the need for instant gratification may help with certain things but it is something that will create unnecessary problems on this journey.
This part of them, a part that can be seen as a child part, will need to be kept in check. As for being persistent, this will allow them to keep going when they appear to hit a dead-end or when things don’t go as their mind thinks they should go.
An Important Understanding
It will also be helpful for them to realise is that although they are on a ‘healing journey’ it doesn’t mean that they will progress in a linear fashion. For example, a deep wound can be unlocked and this can cause them to feel worse than they did before.
In fact, their whole life could end up going south after this has taken place. At this point, they could believe that they are going backwards, not forwards, and end up feeling hopeless as a result.
However, as time passes, it might gradually become clear that there is more to what is going on than meets the eye. They might soon see that before they and their life fell part, they were not truly in touch with themselves or going in the right direction.
Therefore, while it seemed as though everything was getting worse, it was actually a time when the ground was being cleared so that they could develop a strong connection to themselves and go in the right direction. Stepping back from their feelings and seeing the big picture, along with experiencing and seeing positive changes, will allow them to know that this is the case.
What this also illustrates is how important it is for them to be aware of when their mind sees something as being either black or white. When something ‘negative’ happens such as a setback, then, their mind can say that their life is getting worse.
This part of them won’t be able to see that life is not one-dimensional or that there is information that they are not currently aware of. It will strip away the nuance or the grey, leaving them with a lopsided view of reality and they may feel helpless.
Black and white thinking could also make an appearance when they have changed one area of their life only for it to go back to how it was. They may have moved somewhere else and ended up going back to where they were before or spent a lot of time around others and now they might spend more time by themselves.
In a situation like this, their mind might kick in and say that they going backwards or are even a failure. In reality, they will have proven that they can do something and stepping back could very well be the best thing for their own evolution.
Taking this into account, if one is able to take a step back when their mind goes into black and white thinking mode, they will be able to be a lot kinder to themselves and it will be a lot easier for them to accurately assess their life. One can just acknowledge when this takes place, without needing to change or resist what is happening.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.