It is often said that no one is their own island and each one of us in interdependent. This not only applies to people; it also includes the earth that one lives on, the air they breathe and the sun that creates light and gives off energy for instance.
There is always going to be people who are more self sufficient than others and people who live in the country can usually relate to this more than people who live in a city. But no matter where someone lives, they are going to depend on certain things.
And one of the most important areas there is when it comes to one thriving or even surviving on this planet, is the relationships that one has with other human beings. This is because until robots can do exactly what humans do, other people are part of the process of one getting not only what they need, but also what they want in life.
Win-Win Or Win-Lose
Now, this is not to say that it is about manipulating others and therefore using them as a means to an end. It is simply an acknowledgment of other people being essential to ones existence.
Of course, one could use another and gain exactly what they wanted; this would be a win-lose situation. However, the other person would go away feeling angry, compromised and taken advantage of. So in most cases, the relationship would be over or if it wasn’t, it soon would be.
When situations are created that are win-win, each person gains something from the interaction and the relationship in general. There is nothing underhand about what is taking place and this means there is unlikely to be any negative consequences.
The relationship will have the potential to stay where it is or to grow and develop. Whereas in the win-lose relationship, it can only end or be undermined by what has taken place.
And while some people have no trouble asking for help or assistance, whether it is a win-lose or win-win situation, there are others who feel uncomfortable doing so. This can include the close relationships one has with friends and that consist of giving and receiving. And it can involve people or company’s who one has to exchange money to, in order to receive something.
When it comes to the help that one needs form their friends, partner or family, it can be completely different to the help that one requires from a company or some kind of business. At times, it can be easier to ask for help from people one doesn’t know, than from people they do know.
This is partly due to there not being an emotional connection and so it is more impersonal. Once hasn’t opened themselves up to a company and are therefore less vulnerable to what their reaction is. It is often the people that one is closest to that create the strongest reactions within someone. Another key factor is that when one pays for something, they don’t feel needy or desperate. What they do feel, is a sense of power and control.
To ask for help or assistance is part of being human, without it, one would struggle and suffer. If they were drowning for instance and didn’t ask for help, they might even die. In general, one might be able to carry on and achieve what they want without it. But it is going to be a lot harder than if one were to ask another person to support them.
So to ask for help and support is neutral and not something to feel bad about. What will define whether one feels comfortable or uncomfortable asking for help, are the meanings that they have.
For some people, asking for help will not be a problem, and they will feel comfortable doing so. The need for them to struggle and strain will not be there, because it will feel safe to ask another person. This is not to say they will also get the help they need, but in the majority of cases they will.
When one doesn’t feel comfortable asking for help, it will be the result of what this means to them. Here, one might feel: vulnerable, ashamed, desperate, needy, weak, incompetent, useless, inferior and incapable.
And based on these meanings, one can deny that they need help and try to do everything themselves.
At some point in one’s life, the ego mind will have learnt that it wasn’t safe to ask for help; what was safe was to pretend that one didn’t need help. At the time, this could have been a matter of survival, but as life has passed, it is simply causing one to suffer needlessly.
This will define how one perceives reality and in who they attract and are attracted to. Perhaps one could project this outlook onto people when it doesn’t match up to how they really are. And at other times, people will reflect this outlook and validate ones feelings.
So the ego mind would have created associations and the body would have felt certain feelings, as a result of not feeling safe to ask for help. This could be due to what has happened during ones adult life and what has took place when one was as a child and a baby.
Asking for help is to do with one having needs and feeling comfortable having them. Needs are something everyone has and they are not something to feel ashamed of.
In some cases it will be enough to simply change these associations through thinking differently. But in others, something more may be required. How one felt as a result of not feeling safe to ask for help, may have remained trapped in their body. So these feelings and emotions will need to be released.
This can be done with the help of a healer or therapist who will allow one to face them and then release them. And as these associations change and the feelings and emotions are released, one will gradually feel comfortable asking for help.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.