Helpless: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Feel Helpless?

While one is constantly having an effect on their environment, it doesn’t mean that they are able to accept this. Some people will be able to see that this is the case and there are going to be others who believe they have no effect whosever.

And when someone experiences life in a way that allows them to see they are having an effect, it is going to lead to a sense of empowerment and control. This doesn’t mean that one has complete control; it means that they will know that they have some control.

They are going to feel as though they are part of life and that their actions have an impact on the world around them. And this is going to enhance their mental, emotional and physical wellbeing.

No Effect

However, if one believes that they have no effect, they are not going to they are going to feel disempowered and that they have no control. And while control is often seen as something that one should let go off, without it, one is going to suffer.

In some case, it could even cause one to commit suicide or to lose the will to live. Here, one is not going to feel that they are part of life or that their actions have an impact on the world around them.

Their mental, emotional and physical health is going to be effected and they are likely to feel like a victim and not an empowered human being. So although each person lives on the same planet, based on how they see life, they could be living on a different planet.

Outlook

So each person has a different outlook of themselves and of life in general and because of this, each person’s life is going to be radically different. But while outlooks are not fixed and can therefore be changed; when someone feels helpless, they are not going to realise this.

When someone feels that they do have an effect and that they are not helpless, they might not realise that not everyone has this outlook. It can then be hard for them to comprehend why someone wouldn’t have this outlook.

But for the person who sees life differently, they might wonder how anyone could see life differently. In their model of the world, they are helpless and there is nothing they can do about it.

More Than An Outlook

It is then not just an outlook they have; it is how their life is. In their eyes, being a victim is the only option they have and is not something they can change.

And not only are they going to feel this way, but their life is going to reflect how they feel. Or if something happens that shows they are not helpless, they might not be possible for them to see it. This is because their mind has formed this outlook and if something goes against it, it will end up being filtered out.

The Ego Mind

To hear that someone would filter out experiences that go against their outlook of being helpless can sound ridiculous. If one feels this way, then surely they would want to experience life differently?

But just because someone wants to feel a sense of power in life, it doesn’t mean that this is what feels safe. As human beings, we are constantly drawn to what is familiar and what is familiar is what feel safe.

So feeling helpless is not allowing one to experience the kind of life they want to experience and yet, this is likely to be what feels safe at a deeper level.  The question is: why would someone only feel safe when they feel helpless?

A Deeper Look

And while this could be due to what has happened in this person’s adult life, it is more likely to be the result of what happened during their childhood years. There is likely to have been an experience or an accumulation of experiences were one felt traumatised.

Trauma

When one experiences trauma, they are helpless; they have no control and therefore there is nothing they can do. And if there was someone around or support was available during these moments, it would have been possible for one to process what happened.

But this wouldn’t have been the case and became of this, one would have had to carry the emotional experience within them; causing it to define their whole life.  And feeling this way would have gone on to be associated as familiar and therefore safe.

Because of what ones early environment was like, perhaps there was no other option than to feel helpless. If one was neglected or physically abused, then this would have been the only option available. It might not have been safe for them to act any other way.

As An Adult

However, even though one has learned to be helpless as a result of what has happened to them, this doesn’t mean that this is the truth. At one point in time it was, but one doesn’t have to feel this way any longer.

But all the time these emotional experiences of the past have not been processed, one will continue to experience life in the same way. One will need to get in touch with these trapped emotions so that they can be released. And this can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. 

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Oliver J R Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/