What you may find is that although it is relatively easy for you to be compassionate towards others, it is not as easy for you to be compassionate towards yourself. So if another person makes a mistake, you could offer words of support; but if you were to make a mistake, it could be a very different story.
Others can then see you as a compassionate person, yet you will be anything but compassionate to yourself. It is then going to be necessary for you to treat themselves with the same level of kindness that you often show others.
Something to Consider
The fact is that you deserve your love just as much as anyone else does. Regardless of what you have said or done in the past, it doesn’t mean that you are not worthy of receiving your own love.
What may help here is for you to think about how the people who do receive your compassion will have most likely done ‘bad’ things in the past. These people are not going to be perfect.
If you have had moments when you have been compassionate towards yourself, you may know how beneficial this is. It may have allowed you to keep going after you made a mistake or to nurture yourself when you felt low.
With this in mind, how much better will your life will be when this becomes the norm? Your mental and emotional health is likely to improve, and it should be easier for you to handle setbacks and to achieve your goals.
One way for you to develop more self-compassion is to change what is going on in your mind. Think about how you would treat a small child that had just fallen over - would you criticise the child?
Of course you wouldn’t, you would be very compassionate towards the child. The key is then going to be for you to display the same amount of love towards yourself when you notice that you are laying into yourself.
A New Direction
As soon as you notice that you are being unkind to yourself, you can tap into how you would feel if a child had fallen over. The energy that you would send to this child is going to be directed towards yourself.
One way of looking at this would be to say that this loving energy will be coming from your inner mother. It can take a while until you automatically respond in this way, and this is why you will need to be persistent.
Alternatively, you could think about someone who has been compassionate towards you in the past. Think about how this person would talk to you if you had made a mistake or did something wrong.
Once you have thought of someone and tuned into how they would respond to you, you will have another way to experience self compassion. And, over time, this supportive voice can just become part of who you are.
If these two approaches don’t have much of an effect and you find that you are still very hard on yourself, you may need to look at what is taking place in your body. You may be carrying a fair amount of emotional pain there.
Once you start to face the emotional wounds that are within you and to heal them, what is going on up top should change. Also, doing this work will allow you to develop a better connection with your heart – the part of you that is full of love.
The main thing is that you keep going until being kind to yourself is the rule as opposed to the exception. Your inner world can change as long as you keep going and don’t give up on yourself.
When it comes to healing your inner wounds, you may need to reach for the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.