Human Contact: Can Someone Prefer Things Instead Of People If They Experienced Developmental Trauma?

Even though someone is an interdependent human being and thus needs others, it doesn’t mean that they will act like one. They could spend a lot of their time by themselves and rarely if ever reach out to others.

This could mean that they will have a job or a career that doesn’t involve a lot of human contact. If this is the case, they won’t be in a position where they have to spend a lot of time speaking to others.

For example

This could mean that they are an academic researcher, work with computers or in a lab, or are an artist of some kind. They may then work with a few others or see the odd person from time to time, but that will be it.

Unlike other jobs, relating to others will just be a very small part of what they do. This could be something that they have done for a very long time and if not, what they did before may have been very similar.

Another Area

However, if they don’t have a job or career that is like this, they are still likely going to spend their free time in the same way. When they are by themselves, they could spend a lot of time watching TV, playing games and learning.

This will show that they spend a lot of time living up top and very little time in their body. Ergo, they are going to meet their survival needs and their mental needs but most of their other needs will be overlooked.

Hidden

Still, due to where their point of awareness generally is, they might seldom realise that they are overlooking their other needs such as their emotional needs. Not fulfilling these needs is going to have an impact on them, though.

By living in this way, they could often feel low and depressed, lacking the energy that they need to feel alive and nourished. Not having a strong connection to these needs will help them to believe that they don’t need others.

Another Outcome

From time to time, they come to the conclusion that life has no meaning. This can end up being a time when they will feel even lower than usual and find it hard to get out of bed and to function.

Focusing on things and not having any fulfilling relationships will give their life meaning, no doubt about it, but it won’t be the same as it would if they did have relationships that were like this. Yet, if they haven’t ever had close friendships or been in an intimate relationship, they might not even realise this.

A Challenging Time

If they have been in at least one intimate relationship, this may be a moment in their life that they would rather forget about. They may find that they experienced a number of painful feelings during this time.

Before long, they may have felt smothered, trapped and as though they had no control over themselves. Along with this, they may have felt deeply rejected, worthless and perhaps abandoned on different occasions.

Confusion

If they were able to take a step back and reflect on how they experience life, they may wonder why they are this way. Why they are generally drawn to things instead of people and why their relationships have been so painful, if they have had any and why this area of their life has been deeply challenging.

To shed light on what is going on; it is likely to be necessary for them to take a closer look at what took place during their formative years. What took place when they were a toddler and an infant, and even when they were in their mother's womb, is likely to have played a big part when it comes to what they are like.

Way Back

From the moment they were born, they may have often been left and when they were given attention, they are likely to have largely received misattuned care. What this means is that they wouldn’t have had a caregiver who was able to truly be there for them and to take care of their needs on a consistent basis.
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This would have stopped them from developing a basic sense of trust and confidence in the fact that their needs would generally be met. Furthermore, not having their needs met would have caused them to be deeply wounded and their only option was to automatically repress how they felt and disconnect from themselves and to go into a shut-down, collapsed and frozen state.

A Divided Being

When they were left, they would have felt terrified, alone, helpless and abandoned and when they were given misattuned care, they would have felt terrified, helpless and smothered. Thanks to these experiences, their fellow human beings would have been seen as unreliable and as a source of pain.

They would have been connected to their needs and feelings when they were born, that’s unless they were traumatised inside their mother’s womb, but as they were not given the care that they needed, they would have lost touch with themselves. They will have a lot going on up top but their body will be in a frozen, restricted state and when it comes to things, these will be seen as more reliable and trustworthy than people.

A Gradual process

What they went through will have taken place many, many years ago but they will be in a deeply traumatised state. If they hadn’t adapted to what was going on and lost touch with themselves, they are unlikely to be alive today.

To reconnect to their body and therefore to reconnect to their needs and feelings, they will need to work through the arousal and pain that is inside their brain and body. As they do this, and this won’t take place overnight, they will gradually become more integrated and embodied.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk