While there are some needs that human beings will need to have fulfilled in order to survive, there are other needs that can go unfulfilled without leading to someone’s death. This is not to say that it won’t have an effect on someone’s wellbeing though.
For example: if one doesn’t receive the air they need, their life will soon come to an end and yet, if one doesn’t receive any kind of human contact, their life won’t come to an end.
But even though they will still be able to survive, it is highly unlikely that they will be able to thrive. And this is because human contact plays a vital role in someone’s mental, emotional and physical wellbeing.
So as this need is so important, it can be hard to comprehend why someone would feel uncomfortable with human contact. One way of looking at it would be to say that it is the result inner conflict.
Their body has the desire to experience human contact and it will then cause them to feel different. And as they feel different, they are also going to end up thinking differently; as well as the numerous health benefits. This shows that every part of who they are is going to benefit through experiencing human contact.
However, on top of the need to experience human contact is going to be the resistance to it. And this resistance can be so strong that one can end up being completely out of touch with their need to experience human contact.
In some cases, this resistance could take over and become like a parasite; causing one to see human contact as a threat and as something to be suspicious of. There is also the chance that one will be aware of their need to experience it and of their fear of it.
This resistance can mean that not only does one avoid getting too close to others, but that they don’t allow other people to get too close to them. They might not engage with other people and when other people try to engage with them, they may take a step back.
So this is not ideal when it comes to having relationships that are fulfilling; as one is not in a position where they feel safe enough to have them. It could mean that one has spent a lot of their life being isolated and alone. Or they may just have relationships that are superficial and without any kind of depth.
It could be that one only feels safe when it comes to experiencing human contact from one gender, but not the other.
Ones behaviour is likely to be reactive and not something they have any control over. And this could cause them to wonder why they behave as they do. Their body is then causing them to act ways that are not in their best interests. Intellectually, one could have no idea why they behave as they do.
Their mind could end up creating all kinds of stories and reasons as to why they fear human contact or why they are not experiencing human contact. If one is out of touch with their fear of human contact and in touch with their need for it, they could end up believing that there is something wrong with them.
Back And Forth
And if the need to experience human contact could be completely removed, then one might always avoid it. But as this need can’t be removed, there is always the chance that one will have the need to experience human contact in one moment and then fear of it in the next.
However, due to having this fear, it can make it harder for one to experience it. One could have a pattern where other people are unavailable or distant. Consciously this will create frustration, but at a deeper level it is what feels comfortable.
What is going on externally and what is going on in one’s mind is likely to define whether they are reaching out or pulling away.
The reason one fears human contact could be due to what happened in their adult years and it could also be the result of what took place during their childhood years. When something happens during ones childhood that is traumatic, it is normal for their mind to have disconnected from what happened. One can then have no idea what happened and yet their body is only too aware of what took place.
This happens in order to ensure ones survival; it doesn’t happen consciously. So if someone says that it’s not because of their childhood, they could be right. And it could also be because they have lost all contact with what happened and have therefore forgotten that they have forgotten.
As a child, one may have experienced some kind of abuse and this could have been: sexual, physical, emotional and/or verbal. Through these experiences, one would have learnt that it wasn’t safe to let other people get close to them.
So all the time this association exists, one is not going to allow other people to get too close to them. How one felt all those years ago may have remained trapped in their body. And as one feels the same, they will continue to experience life in the same way.
In order for one to move beyond this challenge, they might need to release the trapped emotions from their body and to receive the positive regard that they didn’t receive all those years ago. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Some kind of bodywork may also help; through this, one will gradually begin to open themselves up and to realise that it is safe for them to do so. And as one begins to receive, their need to experience human contact may increase.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
Self-Love - How To Develop Self-Love And Self-Worth