If an alien came to planet earth and asked someone who they are, one is likely to say that they’re a human being. But without needing an alien to land on the earth, this is the description that one could use.
However, although one is a human being, it doesn’t mean that one acts like one. Instead, one can become a human doing and it is then not possible for them to just be. Their life can then be filled with the incessant need to do things or to be someone.
This then means that one is going against their true nature and has developed into something else. To be a human doing is not ones true state; it is nothing more than an adaption and so, one doesn’t have to stay this way.
A Way Of Life
It can all depend on if one is aware of what is taking place; as one might not realise that they’re no longer a human being. There is the chance that one has been this way for so long that they have forgotten what it is like to just be.
There might not be any examples around them of what it means to just be. The society they live in and the people they surround themselves with could all be the same. Without being exposed to examples of people who are able to just be, it is going to be less likely for one to realise that there is another way to live.
Being a human doing could be seen as the ideal way to live, as one will get things done and this will then lead to a successful life. If one isn’t doing things, they could believe that they’re wasting their life or that life is simply passing them by.
Based on this outlook, being a human doing is going to be far better than being a human being. But be able to just be doesn’t mean that one is being lazy or wasting their life, this is nothing more than a misunderstanding of what it means to just be.
How It Looks
When one is able to just be, it doesn’t mean that they just sit around doing nothing; what it means is that one will know at some level that they’re enough. Their value is not based on what they do and neither is it something they have to earn.
So when one does take action, is it not because they are trying to prove to themselves and others that they have value, it is going to arise out of their ability to just be. If one doesn’t feel as though they’re enough, they are going to feel the need to do things in order to change how they feel about themselves.
The life that one leads is then not a proactive life, it is a reactive life. Either consciously or unconsciously, one might believe that once they have attained something or become someone that they will finally be able to feel as though they are enough.
One might achieve something or change themselves in some way and end up feeling that they are enough. However, this is unlikely to last for very long and this why the need to be constantly doing something won’t subside.
Stuck On A Tread Mill
For a short time, one might be able to do nothing and then it won’t be long before they will start to feel as though they are not enough and then they will feel compelled to do something else. The cycle will then start all over again and is then like one is on a tread mill that they can’t get off.
So if ones value is not based on what they do and something that exists within them, what is it that stops one from being able to realise this? This can be a sign that one is carrying toxic shame. What this will do, is cause one to feel flawed and it then won’t matter what they do.
Normal shame will cause one to feel bad, toxic shame will cause one to feel as though they are bad. But while feelings are involved, it is going to be more than a feeling. It will be something that has affected ones whole being and this is going to cause one to believe that there is nothing they can do.
Doing things is then one way for one to change how they feel about themselves. When this approach doesn’t work, it doesn’t mean that one will allow themselves to realise this; as this could be too painful. It can seem as though one has to choose between feeling worthless or to live a life where they are always doing something, but there is another option.
How Did This Happen?
But before we look at what the other option is, let’s take a look at why one would feel flawed in the first place. This could relate to ones adult experienced and go back to what happened to them as a child.
Here, one could have experienced some kind of abuse and this then left them feeling as though there is something inherently wrong with them. One may have experienced physical verbal, emotional and/or sexual abuse.
These emotional experiences would have stayed trapped on their body and infiltrated their whole being. The beliefs that one has and the thoughts that their mind creates will reflect these experiences.
And in order for one to be able to be a human being and to longer be a human doing, it will be important for them to process these experiences. The assistance of a therapist or healer may be needed.
They will enable to one to go where they wouldn’t have gone by themselves and the support that they provide will enable one to tolerate their toxic shame until it is released. Along with toxic shame, one may also be carrying the following feelings: grief, abandonment, hopelessness, helplessness and even death.
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Oliver J R Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.