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When it became clear that I felt the need to be loyal to my father, towards the end of 2015, and that this was holding me back, I knew that I needed to do something else. The emotional processing work that I was doing at this time wasn’t having much of an impact on this issue.
The Wrong Tool In a way, it was like trying to cut a cord with a toothbrush - I needed to find another approach. Fortunately, the therapist who I was working with could relate to my experience, which meant that he recommended something he thought might help. He said that I should try something called ‘family constellation’, and that this was a great way to deal with this type of issue. Shortly after this session, I ended up looking for someone to work with. A Few Setbacks This therapist had recommended someone who ran workshops, so I looked into when the next course would be. I soon found out that it would be a while until the next one and I wasn’t prepared to wait. I ended up finding someone who was able to offer this type of therapy over Skype, but at the last minute they cancelled. Working with someone over Skype appealed to me as I wouldn’t have to spend minutes or even hours getting somewhere. It Soon Worked Out It wasn’t long before I came across someone else, and this meant that I could find out what this type of therapy was all about. I was amazed that something like this could be done over the internet and that I didn’t need to be in the therapist’s presence. At this time in my life, I felt weighed down and I wanted this to change. To my surprise, I started to feel lighter after I had my first session, and it wasn’t long before I booked another one. A Mixed Experience Although this was someone who was very ‘tuned in’, there were a number of things that made me wonder what was going on. As far as I was concerned, being highly intuitive didn’t mean that someone was always right or that they knew everything. There was a moment when I spoke about the abuse and neglect that I experienced as a child and I was told that there were people who had it worse. I thought that this could be said no matter what has happened to someone in life; everything is relative, after all. Invalidated However, as I was in a lot of pain and suffered immensely during this life in my life, this wasn’t what I wanted to hear. It was as if this person believed that once I had heard this, I would start to feel better. I experienced shame and then I felt angry, and this resulted in me feeling let down. What I needed at this time in my life was for my experiences to be validated and not to have someone minimise and dismiss what I had gone through. A One-Off I soon came to see that it wasn’t in my best interest to continue to work with this person. Thankfully, this was only the second time that I have experienced anything like this. I can look back on the people who I have worked with and say that most of them were understanding and supportive. There is no reason why anyone should put up with a therapist who invalidates, minimised or dismisses what they have gone though and/or what they are going through.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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