Idealisation: Can Toxic Shame Cause Someone To Idealise Others?

Whilst there are some people who are in the public eye, there are others who are behind the scenes. One could be in the public eye because of what they do or it could be because they just wanted to be famous.

Therefore, it is something that takes place directly or it is something that takes place indirectly. But while it would be easy to believe that the people in the public eye have more value than the people who are not, this is not the case.

A Two-way Relationship

Inherently, they have the same value as everyone else, and if it wasn’t for the people who have allowed them to be where they are, they wouldn’t be in the position they are in. What this shows is that it is a two-way relationship and the people who are ‘up there’ can only maintain their position for as long as the people ‘down there’ support them.

This can create the impression that people always look up to the people in the public eye, but that is clearly not the case. There are going to be some people who are put on a pedestal and then there are going to be others who are not.

Another Option

There are also going to be people who are able to appreciate what someone does without having the need to put them on a pedestal. In this case, they are going to realise that even though they are good at something, it doesn’t mean that they are above them.

What it is likely to mean is that they have a developed a certain skill or an area of their life. It is highly unlikely that every area of their life is at the same level and even if it is, they are still human.

Imperfect

This is going to mean that they are imperfect like everyone one else; they will have things they like and things they don’t like about themselves. Through having this outlook, one won’t end up feeling inferior and as though they are lacking something.

Just as there will be things that they can do, there are also going to be things that the people in the public eye can’t do. With this in mind, there is no need for one to elevate people who are famous.

Everyday Life

However, it is not just people in the public eye that someone can be put on a pedestal, this can also include the people they see each day. When this happens, one is not just going to feel inferior when it comes to celebrities; they are going to feel this way around the people they know.

One may perceive members of the opposite sex as being above them or it might relate to both genders. Either way, it is going to stop them from being able to connect to others.

Disconnected

To feel disconnected from the people who are famous is one thing, but it is another thing altogether to feel disconnected from the people who one associates with. This is going to have an effect on their mental and emotional wellbeing.

Yet, if one sees people who are famous as superior, they are likely to see the people around them in the same way. This could cause one to imagine what it would be like to be the other person and to experience life as they do.

Not Enough

All the time one is caught up in how good other people are, it is not going to be possible for them to embrace what is good about themselves. Although one might not be able to do what someone else can, it doesn’t mean they can’t do anything.

If one sees the other person as the benchmark, it is only going to set them up to feel as though they are not good enough. There is also the chance that the reason they look up to another is because they have the potential within them to do the same thing.

Waiting To Be Realised

In this case, one will need to put in the work that is necessary for them to develop a certain skill or trait. It is not something that is out of their reach and impossible to achieve; it is something they can achieve if they take the right steps.

But all the time one sees someone else as having something they haven’t got, it is going to be a lot harder for them to take the first step and to keep going once they have started. One needs to change how they see themselves and once this takes place, how they see others will also change.

Toxic Shame

When one has a tendency to idealise people who are famous and the people they associate with, it can be a sign that they are carrying toxic shame. This is going to cause one to feel as though they are worthless and less-than human.

As they feel so low, it is going to be normal for them to look up to others and to feel disconnected from them. It is not just going to be a feeling though, as this will be something that permeates their whole being.

Hopeless

There is then the chance that one will end up feeling as though there is nothing they can do. No matter what one has achieved or what they can do, they are still going to feel the same.

One can then feel hopeless by doing nothing or they can feel hopeless by becoming a human doing. External accomplishments might allow them to feel better for a short time, but they will soon return to feeling as though they are not good enough.

The Cause

The reason one feels as though their being is inherently flawed is likely to be the result of what took place during their childhood years. With these years being a time when one was verbally, physically, sexually and/or emotionally abused.

Awareness

It will be important for one to get in touch with how they feel and to tolerate their toxic shame until it has been processed. In order for one to do this, they may need the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.

They will provide the support that one needs in order to face their emotions and they will play an important part in one being able to realise there is nothing wrong with them. Another part of this process may involve grieving unmet childhood needs.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/