Earlier on I was waiting in line for something and the person in front of me asked the cashier a question. They didn’t receive an answer, though, and this made them turn to me and say that they were being ignored.
A few seconds later, this person asked the cashier the same question and once again, they didn’t get a response. And just like before, they looked at me and said that they were being ignored.
Black and white
As far as this person was concerned, the cashier didn’t want to talk to them. Due to this, it was perfectly acceptable for them to get worked up and to raise their voice when they asked the question a second time.
However, while this was as clear as day to them, I thought that there was a lot more to it. Firstly, the cashier wasn’t even that close to them, and secondly, there were people in front of them.
Perception is reality
Therefore, it would be more accurate to say that the reason why the cashier didn’t reply was because they couldn’t actually hear them. How this person responded had little to do with what was taking place externally and a lot to do with what was taking place inside them.
One way of looking at this would be to say that part of them already felt ignored, with this part of them being brought up to the surface when they didn’t get the response that they wanted. But, as they were unable to realise this, they saw themselves as a victim and the cashier as the perpetrator.
The trouble is that when someone is not aware of what is going on, they can end up playing out this same scenario over and over again. Each time they will blame another person for what is already taking place inside them.
Their conscious mind can reject the idea that they already felt ignored, but their unconscious mind can feel comfortable with feeling ignored. To the deeper part of them, having this experience can be what is familiar and therefore what feels safe.
A Closer Look
During their early years, their caregiver/s may have had the tendency to ignore them. This probably would have caused them to feel angry, worthless and powerless, for instance, and it would have played a part in how they expected to be treated.
Being treated in this way would have been painful, yet they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it. At this stage of their life they would have resisted what took place, but as time passed, they would have come to unconsciously crave the same emotional experience.
If the person above did have an unconscious attachment to feeling ignored and they were to heal this wound, it would be easier for them to stay present in moments like this. When it comes to healing inner wounds, the assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.