If a woman wanted to change her appearance in the past, she may have had a boob job. Nowadays, this is just one of a number of procedures that a woman can have to change how she looks.
Plenty of Options
If she isn’t happy with her weight, she could have fat removed, and this will mean that she won’t have to wait a matter of weeks or months to lose it. Alternatively, she might not be pleased with the size of her lips, and this can be taken care of by injecting something into them.
Or, she might believe that her bum isn’t big enough, and this can be changed by adding something to this area of her body as opposed to taking anything away from it. There are other things that can be done and as time passes, more procedures are likely to be added to this list.
But even if a woman didn’t want to do anything like this to her body, she could still end up trying to transform her appearance in another way. She may have the desire to do this by exercising and lifting weights.
What she may also feel the need to do is to have a tan all year round, causing her to use fake tan or to have regular sun bed sessions. This is going to mean that a lot of her money will be spent on her appearance.
The Other Side
On the other hand, if a man wanted to change his appearance, he could believe that the best thing for him to do would be to start working out. Getting a good hair cut and even having his eye brows waxed could also cross his mind.
Then again, he might think about having fat removed from his body, with this being an easier option. Having a constant sun tan might also appeal to him, and this may mean that he will spend a fair amount of time on a sun bed each month.
Balance is the Key
One way of looking at all this would be to say that the only reason anyone would go to this trouble is because they want to look good. Based on this, there is nothing strange about someone putting a lot of effort into their appearance.
After all, looking good will make it easier for them to make a positive impression and to go further in just about every area of their life. In the same way that money gives someone power, looks also give someone power.
Part of Life
As to whether someone should be given special treatment for something they were born with and haven’t earned is immaterial; this is just how the world is. With this in mind, it is not a surprise that the beauty industry makes a lot of money.
Nevertheless, there is a difference between having the need to look good and having the need to look perfect. When someone wants to look good, they are not likely to be obsessed with their appearance, but when they want to look perfect, this is unlikely to be the case.
This could cause them to neglect other parts of themselves and overlook other areas of their life. One can then end up looking good, but they might not have much else to offer.
Yet, even if one was still able to take the time to work on other parts of themselves as well as other areas of their life; they could still experience a lot of anxiety. The reason for this is that they could fear that other people will realise that they are not perfect.
What this would then show is that looking good is a way for them to try to stop other people from rejecting them. They are going to believe that looking perfect is the only way for them to be accepted by others.
The trouble is that even if they do receive a lot of positive feedback, they won’t be able to internalise the feedback that they receive. It will only go in so far and this is because of what they believe about themselves.
What this shows is how much of an effect someone’s self-image has how on how they view themselves and on how they respond to external feedback. If one has a distorted view of themselves, it might not matter what they do to their appearance as it probably won’t change what is going on within them.
Therefore, if one tries to change their appearance (the hardware) but they don’t change what is going on within them (the software), they are only going to get so far. The whole world could tell them that they look amazing, but this won’t change what they believe about themselves or how they feel deep down.
What’s going on?
If one feels worthless, it could be due to what has taken place in their adult life, or it could be the result of what took place when they were growing up. If it relates to what took place at the beginning of their life, it could show that they were abused and/or neglected.
This would have been a time when they were egocentric, meaning they would have taken everything personally. It was then not that their caregiver/s had their own mental and emotional problems, with this being the reason why they behaved in an abusive manner; it was that there was something inherently wrong with them.
Ultimately, there is nothing wrong with them – the only thing that is wrong is that they have developed beliefs that don’t reflect on who they are. So, when their inner world changes, they will be able to see that there is nothing wrong with them and to accept positive feedback from others.
If one can relate to this, and they want to transform their life, they might need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.