Although someone could be in a position where they have achieved a lot in one area of their life or a number of areas, it doesn’t mean that they feel comfortable with their current level of success. What they may find, that’s if they were able to take a step back, is that it’s as though they are living a life that doesn’t belong to them.
If one area of their life is going very well, there is a strong chance that they have worked hard to get to where they are. However, what they have done and continue to do won’t have an effect on how they feel.
One way to understand what they are going through would be to imagine that this person owns a very expensive car. But, instead of being able to enjoy what they have earned, they feel uncomfortable.
Whenever they drive this car, they will feel guilt and ashamed and lots of “negative” thoughts will run through their mind. They can believe that, at any moment, a police car will pull them over and charge them for theft.
As a result of the part that they have played in how successful they are in at least one area of their life, they should feel comfortable with what is going on. To go back to the analogy above, they will have earned a car and so they should be able to enjoy driving it.
Nonetheless, it won’t be possible for them to accept that they are the “real deal” and there is no reason for them to feel undeserving or as though they don’t belong where they are. Naturally, being this way is going to cause them to suffer unnecessarily.
One may talk to some of the people in their life about what is going on or they might keep it all to themselves. If they do keep it all to themselves, it could be because they fear that telling others will set them up to be rejected.
This makes sense as, if they see themselves as a fraud, the last thing they will want is for other people to find out. They could also believe that if other people were to find out, they would lose what they have worked so hard to attain.
By believing that they are unworthy and undeserving of what they have achieved, they are likely to experience a lot of anxiety. If they were able to take a closer look into why this is, they may find that it is due to their fear of being exposed.
They could fear that, at any moment, someone will find out who they really are and their life will fall apart. In general, then, they could be uptight and find it incredibly difficult to relax and to just be.
One Big Battle
To a lot of people, they can be seen as someone who is both incredibly successful and highly motivated. In reality, most, if not all, of their drive, can be a consequence of their need to keep what they fear at bay – being seen as an imposter.
Taking their foot of the gas and taking the time to relax from time to time can be seen as being too much of a risk. All this effort can allow them to achieve even more success, which, of course, will increase their fear of being exposed and seen for who they really are.
A Miserable Existence
So, regardless of how their life looks from the outside, they are unlikely to experience much joy or happiness or to feel as though they are on the right path. Those who admire them - and there could be a number of people that do - could be very surprised if they were to find out about this.
The big question is: why would someone experience life in this way? What this can show is that their early years were a time when they were unable to develop a felt sense of their own worth, among other things.
Back In Time
Perhaps this was a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a regular basis. This would have meant that they didn’t receive the nurturance, love and affirmation that they needed in order to develop in the right way.
As they were ego-centric at this stage of their life, what took place would have been personalised. The outcome of this is that they would have ended up feeling worthless and as though there was something inherently wrong with them.
The Fall Out
What took place at this stage of their life would have ended up being blocked out by their conscious mind but they won’t have been able to truly put the past behind them. To handle what took place, they will have developed a false self.
This false self will have been built on top of their true self and this part of them won’t be able to source anything from within. For this reason, they will be dependent on other people’s feedback in order to feel good and this is why they have gone from a human be-ing to a human do-oing.
Unable to feel good by simply be-ing, they will need to do things to feel good. The trouble is that due to how they feel on the inside, the feedback that they receive from others won’t go in.
Their need to avoid how they really feel and to try to receive the attention, acceptance and approval that they missed out on as a child can be what provides them with so much motivation. Still, this is not to say that they will be aware of this, and what can make it harder for them to see what is going on is that being extremely motivated is likely to be valued highly by the society that they are a part of.
If one can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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