When it comes to moving forward in life, it is going to be important for someone to be able to make decisions. This doesn’t mean that this will allow them to always make the right decisions, but it will give them the chance to make the right ones.
If, on the other hand, they didn’t make any decisions, they are unlikely to end up living the kind of life that they want to lead. This is because although they are not making the decisions that they need to make to move forward, they are still making decisions.
For example, someone can either take action or they can avoid taking action, but no matter what they do, they are still taking action. In this case, their inaction is another form of action.
One can believe that they are not making a decision by putting something off, but this is nothing more than an illusion. It is not possible for them to put their life on hold; it is still taking place no matter what they do.
The Right Time
In their mind, they might be waiting for the right time to make a decision, and there is then no reason for them to rush into anything. There are going to be times in everyone’s life where they need to wait for the right moment, however, this approach is not going to apply to every decision they need to make.
When someone is unable to make decisions and always needs to wait for the right time, it is going to be another way for them to avoid taking action. Another way to describe this would be to say that they are ‘procrastinating’.
While people who are successful are likely to have moments where they take their time, it has been sad that they are able to make decisions fast. Their ability to ‘seize the moment’ allows them to embrace the opportunities that are available as opposed to waiting until it’s too late.
And unless one is aware of what is taking place here, it can be easy for them to come to the wrong conclusions. They could believe that people who are successful have something they don’t have, or that they are ‘lucky’.
And just as lifting weights will improve one’s muscles, making decisions will improve their ability to make decisions. Their ability to makes decisions is then not the result of something they have that others don’t, it partly comes down to the fact they are used to making them.
This can mean that someone takes a bit of time to do their research or they might just ‘know’ that they are doing the right thing. When this happens, it could be said that one is using their intuition, and there is then no reason for them to think.
One way of looking at this would be to say that they are tapping into something, but it could also just come down to experience. Based on what they have been through before, part of them is able to recognise when they need to embrace something or whether they need to hold back.
However, if it wasn’t for the experiences that they have had, it might not be possible for them to just ‘know’. Therefore, on the surface it can look as though they have something others don’t, but if one was to look closer, they may see that it just comes down to the experiences they have had.
In The Middle
There are then going to be other people who might have moments where they are unable to make decisions, but it won’t stop them altogether. Or they may have a certain area or a number of areas in their life where they find it difficult.
This could be a challenge if it relates to a certain area, such as their career. It then won’t matter whether they are able to make decisions in other areas of their life as this one area is going to impact the rest of their life.
The other Side
On the other side of the spectrum will be people who are unable to make decisions, and they will end up being stuck. They might realise what is taking place, or they might not be aware of what is happening.
What this is going to show is that they are experiencing inner conflict, and while this is to be expected, it is defining their life. When people are able to make decisions, it is not that every part of them is in agreement, it is that they are able to put these opposing views to one side and to act regardless of the conflict that is within them.
If they were to get in touch with what stops them from making a decision, they may find that it relates their need to please others, or it could come down to a fear of failure. This is going to mean that they are focused on other people’s needs, and if they were to listen to themselves, they might end up feeling guilty and ashamed.
When it comes down to the fear of failure, they may believe that it is not possible for them to make a mistake. If they were to make a mistake, it could cause them to feel as though they are worthless.
During their childhood years, they may have had to focus on their caregivers needs and this would have stopped them from being be to listen to themselves. This then sets them up to experience conflict when it comes to fulfilling their own needs.
They can’t just go about fulfilling their needs; as this will cause them to feel as though they are doing something wrong. Not making a decision is then a way for them to stop themselves from being rejected and abandoned.
This may also have been a time where one’s caregivers were highly critical and abusive, and this would have meant that it wasn’t acceptable for them to make mistakes. Through these experiences, one would have ended up feeling as though they are inherently flawed, and this is why it is important for them avoid situations that may cause them to be exposed.
In this case, one is going to be carrying toxic shame, and this mean that they will fear that other people will abandon them if they were to find out who they really are. This is because toxic shame will have infiltrated their whole being.
When it comes to their need to please others, it is going to relate to their need to survive. It is not that they need to please others in order to survive; it is that they are still seeing life as they did as a child.
To let go of their inner conflict, it will be important for them to grieve their unmet childhood needs, and to face their toxic shame until it begins to discharge. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.