One of the ways that someone can change their behaviour, what is taking place within them, and their relationships, is to heal their inner child. Or to be more precise; to heal the inner children that are within them.
What this comes down to is that although many, many years may have passed since they were a child, it doesn’t mean that what happened all those years ago is actually in the past. There is the chance that a lot of the painful feelings that they experienced throughout their childhood years are still within them.
If someone is carrying a lot of pain, and they were to connect with the feelings that are within them, they may find that they start to regress. Then again, they may find that it is generally a challenge for them to stay connected to their adult self.
It will then be clear that the emotional pain that is within them is making it hard for them to feel like an empowered human being. One way of looking at this would be to say that they will spend a lot of time being merged with one of their inner children
Different Ages, Different Places
There may be times when they connect with one of their inner children and they will be around six, while at another time they might be even younger. In addition to this, they may see that they are not always in the same environment.
Still, if someone feels overwhelmed by how they feel, it might not be possible for them to become aware of how old they are or where they are. They may find that their primary concern is to simply feel better.
This could then be a time when they will feel the need to try to remove how they feel, seeing this as the way to feel better. However, the way for them to heal their inner children is not going to be to remove anything, it will be to allow this part of them to speak out.
Ultimately, the different parts that are within them will want to be heard and acknowledged. It is highly likely that the reason why they have these parts within them is because they didn’t receive the presence that they needed as a child.
Perhaps their caregivers were rarely there and, even if they were physically there, they might not rarely been emotionally there. For whatever reason, they wouldn’t have been able to provide the presence that they needed to grow and develop.
At the same time, it might not have been this black and white, meaning that they may have just been a few moments in their early years that had a big effect on them. At this point in their life, it is likely that what happened is not as important to them as what they can do to move forward.
A Gradual Process
Getting in touch with the parts that are within them and allowing them to speak out will be essential. At times they may just need to be with these split-off parts of themselves and at others, they might end up crying.
It will be important that they don’t try to stop themselves form crying, as crying will be a big part of the healing process. And, as these parts are able to express what wasn’t expressed all those years ago, they will gradually begin to lose their emotional charge and to even integrate with the rest of them.
During the early stages of this process, one may need to reach out for external support, with this being something that they only need from time to time after a little while. A therapist or a healer, for instance, will provide the strength that they haven’t yet developed internally, along with the presence that they have yet to embody.
In the same way that scaffolding on a building will keep an unstable wall in place; their support will stop one from being too overwhelmed to make progress and to go where they wouldn’t go by themselves. Needing this support doesn’t mean that they are weak or incapable, though; it simply means that they didn’t get what they needed as a child and are now doing the sensible thing by reaching out for what they need to transform their life.
The Other Side
Giving these parts what they didn’t get all those years ago, and allowing them to express themselves, will have a big effect on just about every area of their life. Thus, the time and energy that one puts into being with these parts will end up paying off in the long run.
Their behaviour will change, they will experience different feelings and they will have different thoughts, which will influence their relationships. They may even get to the point where connecting to their inner child is no longer painful and it actually empowers them.
A Positive Influence
For example, this part of them will be able to see them in a more objective light, allowing it to shine the light on how far they have come. So, while one might not believe that they have made much progress, this part of them will be able to see a clear difference.
A child part of them will be looking at the adult part of them, with their being no doubt to this part of them that a lot has changed. This part of them can then serve as their inner cheerleader, giving them support, love and a sense of perspective when they need it.
When this happens, one is receiving good things from within and not having to take in good things from without. In other words, it will be an upload instead of a download. This illustrates how powerful inner child work can be.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.