Inner Conflict: Can Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Experience Inner Conflict?

When one knows exactly what they want to achieve or to experience, there will be clarity. And as result of this, one will be able to take the steps that they need to take to make their goal a reality.

This doesn’t mean that it will be a straight forward process though; as there are likely to be certain blocks in the way. And while life would be easier if these blocks didn’t exist, they can allow one to build inner strength and to have a greater appreciation for what they do achieve, amongst other things.

An Analogy

It is then like one having the need to get to a certain destination and not only having the need, but also knowing how to get here. As they know where to go, they are highly likely to get there.

The only thing that will stop them from getting there or slow them down is if they come across something that impedes them. This could be an accident, road works or temporary traffic lights. But as they know where they’re going, they will get there sooner or later.

Inner Clarity

So though having inner clarity, one is going to be working with themselves and not against themselves. And like the journey above, they will be able to move towards the completion of their goals or to experience what they want to experience.

Just knowing what one wants in life is incredibly important. This doesn’t mean that it will just fall into their lap, but what it means is that they will have a starting point. And from this point, they will be able to go onto the next stage.

The Other Side

This is clearly the ideal and what will enable one to make progress in life.  However, this is not always something that one can relate to and this could be because of inner conflict. And this could be something they experience from time to rime or it could be the only thing they know.

There are undoubtedly going to be moments in everyone’s life when they experience inner conflict and yet, it is a way of life for some people. Here, one is in a position where they are unable to know what they want or if they do, it won’t last for very long.

Will Power

It is then going to be an inner battle and while this can make one’s life more challenging, it can also lead to a strong will. Through having to handle two opposing needs within them, it can mean that they have needed more inner strength to handle the conflict.  

If there wasn’t as much inner resistance, then there wouldn’t be the need for this increase in ones inner strength. This is similar to how’s ones muscles will grow if they increase the amount of weight they lift. And if one has experienced inner conflict for their whole life, then they have had many years to develop their will.

Sabotage

But while a strong will is one thing that one can develop through experiencing inner conflict, that is one resists the conflict within them, there is still the chance that they will sabotage their life.

For instance, one may not resist the conflict and allow it to completely define their life. Or they may resist it in one or a number of areas and allow it control other areas of their life. So, frustration, anger and a sense of having no control might be something they are familiar with.

This could cause one to get to a certain stage and then just as they are about to reach a milestone or complete something, they stop. It is then not an external source that is the problem; it is what is happening within them.

Areas Of Conflict

So this can have an impact on how successful one is, what their relationships are like and if they listen to themselves. There is the chance that one is aware of what is causing them to experience inner conflict or it might be a mystery.

One may want to grow in their particular area of interest and find that they only get to a certain level. And this could be because they only feel comfortable with a certain level of success.

When it comes to ones relational needs, they may want to experience more intimacy in their life. This could be affected by ones fear that other people will get too close to them.

Having needs is part of being human and yet one can end up ignoring their needs and putting other people’s needs first. If they put their needs first, they might feel guilty and as though they will no longer be accepted by others.

Inner Conflict

Having the need to grow, to have an intimate relationship and to take care of one’s needs is not something that should lead to conflict. Through experiencing conflict in these areas and there may be others, it is going to have an impact on one’s ability to grow, to be happy and to feel fulfilled.

And while this conflict shouldn’t exist, it can feel as though it is part of one’s very nature. One might even believe that they were born this way and that there is nothing they can do about it.

Childhood

This outlook might sound a bit extreme or even irrational, but if one has always experienced conflict, it is not much of a surprise. However, although it might be something that one has become accustomed to, it is there for a reason.

And the answers may be found when one reflects on what their childhood was like. This may have been a time when ones needs were ignored and one had to develop a false self. There is then the false self on top and their true self underneath.

Consequences

When it comes to success, one may have had a childhood where it was only safe for them to grow to a certain level. Perhaps their caregivers were not successful or didn’t have much money and in order to feel accepted by them, one stopped themselves from doing anything that might cause them to be rejected.

As for relationships, one may have had a caregiver that was out of tune and therefore caused one to feel smothered, trapped and engulfed. So although one has the need to experience intimacy, as a result of what happened, they ended up fearing it.

Their needs may have been covered up by the needs of their caregivers. This then lead to a role reversal and one become the parent instead of the child. As a result of this, one came to see their needs as bad and something to feel guilty and ashamed of.

Awareness

In order to deal with this conflict, one might have some emotional work to do. The emotional experiences of the past may have remained within them and therefore need to be released. Or one may find that through becoming aware of their inner conflict and questioning it, that it is possible for them to move beyond it.

Everyone is different and so, it is hard to say what the best option is. This is something one will have to decide for themselves. The assistance of a therapist or healer may be needed here. 

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Oliver J R Cooper 
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/