What someone could find is that they are often in a position where part of them has the need to do one thing whilst another part of them has the need to do something else. Naturally, this is going to cause them to experience a lot of unnecessary stress and confusion.
Not only this, they could be used to doing things that they would rather not do. It could go even further than this though, as just about their whole life could have very little to do with who they are.
A Frustrating Existence
For most of their life, this is likely to have just been what was normal and this will mean that they were not aware of it. This is likely to have meant that they often felt down and low but had no idea why this was.
Thanks to them being aware of the different elements inside them, it will be clear why they have lived and live a life that is not very fulfilling. But, although this will be the case, they can feel as though they have no control over what is going on.
A Strong Pull
In general, what they want to do will be outmuscled by what they don’t want to do, with them feeling like they are possessed by an outside force. For example, they might want to spend some time by themselves but after a friend asks them if they would like to go out, they soon overlook this need.
Or someone could ask them if they could do something for them and they could say yes, without taking the time to tune into their own needs. Now, to do each of these things, as well as others, from time to time is not going to undermine them but when this is the norm, it is going to.
A Sense of Confusion
When they are asked to do something, they may find that they end up losing touch with their own needs and it seems as though they actually do want to do something. Once they have done something and even while they are doing it, it could become clear that this wasn’t the case.
What this is likely to illustrate is how strong their need is to please others. Based on what is going on, it could be as if they have an intruder inside them that is in control of their life.
However, regardless of how strong this other part appears to be, it is not going to be a reflection of their true self. Yet, like a jacket that they have worn for years, it will feel very much a part of them.
If this other part wasn’t there, they would be able to be in tune with and express themselves. Their life would be far easier and they would be able to create a life that is in alignment with who they are, not who they feel compelled to be.
What’s going on?
What may have entered their mind on a number of occasions is why their life is this way. If their life has been this way for as long as they can remember, it could show that their early years were not very nurturing.
This may have been a stage of their life when they were largely forced to meet their parent or parent’s needs. This would have caused them to lose touch with their own needs and to play a role.
A New Self
If they were not powerless and totally dependent, they wouldn’t have gone along with what was taking place. But, as pleasing their parent or parents was the only way for them to survive, they had no choice.
Before long, their parent’s needs would have been seen as their own needs and they wouldn’t have realised that they were completely estranged from themselves. As they would have ended up automatically disconnecting from their body to avoid the pain they were in and would have lived in their head, they would have been like a machine that had been programmed to perform a certain task.
History repeats itself
There is a strong chance that their parent or parents were also playing a role during this time and were out of touch with their own essence. During their early years, they were probably forced to meet their parent or parents needs.
In all of these cases, it relates to a child becoming the parent and the parent becoming the child. Therefore, what is needed by the child is not provided and they are deeply deprived as a result.
Drawing the Line
For them to gradually phase out the part of them that doesn’t reflect their needs or feelings and reconnect with their body, they are likely to have a lot of pain to work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This is going to take courage and patience and persistence.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.