It could be said that there are a number of things that people need in order to have a fulfilling existence. When these things are in place, one can feel as though they are on the right track.
One of the things that this is likely to include is having people in their life who they can share their life with. This will relate to what they have done each day, how they feel about certain things, and what they would like to achieve, amongst other things.
Through having people in their life who they can share just every part of themselves with, it will allow them to fulfil a number of different needs. And when one meets these people’s needs in the same way, it will enable them to have relationships that are in balance.
A Whole Human Being
Consequently, when one is with someone like this, there will be no reason for them to feel as though they need to put on an act. No matter what is going on for them, they will be able to share it.
Ultimately, this is going to cause one to feel as though they are being acknowledged by the other person. Some of their mental and emotional needs will be met, and this will have a positive effect on their wellbeing.
A Big Benefit
When one has a number of people who they can open up to, it is going to stop them from relying on one person. For example, if one was in a relationship and they could only open up to them, they are going to expect a lot from this person.
Also, if this relationship was to come to an end, they wouldn’t have anyone else to share their life with. So, through having a number of people who they can share their life with, they are going to be a lot better off.
It would be easy to say that one is lucky to experience life in this way, as there are plenty of people who don’t. Based on this, this is something that just happens or it doesn’t, and there is nothing that one can do if it doesn’t.
However, while this might sound accurate, it doesn’t mean that it has any basis in reality. The reason why one is able to experience intimacy is likely to come down to the fact that this is what feels comfortable.
Therefore, when they open up to someone they are close to, it is not going to cause them to feel bad. Now, this is not to say that they won’t have moments when they will talk about things that will make their heart beat faster or cause their temperature rise.
But this is not going to be the same as one opening up about their life and feeling as though something bad will happen. They will be able to open up without having to worry about how the other person will respond.
What this is going to show is that one has a positive view of themselves, with this being what allows them to open up. Thus, even if they were to open up and the other person didn’t respond in a positive manner, it doesn’t mean that they would take it personally.
One is going to value themselves, and this is why they will have people in their life who value them. What is taking place around them is then nothing more than a reflection of what is taking place within them.
A Different Experience
When one doesn’t feel comfortable with themselves, it may have set them up to develop a false-self. This will have caused them to disconnect from their true needs and feelings, and is naturally going to stop them from being able to develop close relationships with others.
The downside to this is that the wont have deep connections with others; the upside to this is that they will be less likely to feel bad about themselves. As if they were to open up to someone, they could end up feeling worthless.
Playing a role will allow them to function, but it won’t allow them to have a fulfilling existence. Yet, if one believes that they are inherently flawed and that other people would reject and/or abandon them if they found out, it is going to be normal for them to behave in this way.
What this comes down to is that one’s primary need is to survive and, as revealing their true-self is seen as something that will put their life at risk, it will be pushed to one side. Their so-called higher needs will be overlooked and their lower needs will have taken over.
When one talks about their true feelings and what is actually going on for them, they will be revealing their true-self. This is something that will cause them to feel extremely uncomfortable.
So unless they are able to open up without feeling this way, their life is unlikely to change. But even though one feels worthless, it doesn’t mean that this is the truth; it is likely to be the result of how other people have treated them.
A Closer Look
During their younger years, they may have been abused and/or neglected by their caregiver’s. How they were treated would have set them up to believe that there is something wrong with them.
Along with the beliefs that were formed, there would have been the toxic shame that permeated their whole being. This is likely to have been the time when they had no other choice than to develop a false-self.
How they feel about themselves doesn’t reflect who they are, and this is why one doesn’t have to experience life in this way forever. The trauma that is with them will need to be dealt with in order for them to change their life.
This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.