Intimacy: Can We Get People To Open Up By Criticising Them?

When it comes to the kinds of relationships that one has with others, they could find that they experience intimacy with some of the people they know. As a result of this, their life is not going to be full of surface level connections.

This could then mean that one has partner/lover and a number of friends who they share a deeper connection with. At the same time, they this could be a time in their life when they are not with anyone.

The Benefit

What this will then mean is that one’s life is going to be far more fulfilling that it would be if they only had one person to share it with. It is then not going to be as important for them to be with someone, and this is because they can share who they are with other people in their life.

During the moments when they are in their company, they could open about how they have been feeling and the direction their life is taking, among other things. This is also likely to be something that the other person does.

Empathy

And as this takes place, it is going to show that the people they spend time with have the ability to empathise. Along with this, one is also going to have the ability to put themselves in other people’s shoes, so to speak.

The reason for this is that in order for one to open up to others, they will need them to respond in a supportive manner. As if this was something that didn’t take place, there is the chance that one wouldn’t reveal themselves to them.

Acceptance

Thus, when one opens up, the other person will be able to be there without having the need to judge them. One way of looking at this would be to say that they will be able to put their mind to one side and to listen with their heart, or that they can simply be present.

This is not to say that they wouldn’t speak up if one is doing something that is wrong, for instance; what it means is that they are going to accept them for who they are. And it will be this acceptance that will play a big part in why one opens up to them.

Both Ways

And once again, this is likely to be how one behaves when it comes to the people they are closest to, and they could be this way around the people they are not as close to. What this shows is that when one feels comfortable around another person, it can be normal for them to open up.

Due to how they are behaving, one will feel as though it is safe for them to talk about how they feel and/or their dreams, for example. Therefore, in order for one to open their heart, their body needs to feel that it is safe for them to do so.

Another Approach

However, while one could be in a position where they feel safe enough to open up to the people in their life, there is also the chance that this is not the case. Instead, they could be used to spending time with people who they prefer to keep at a distance.

If one was to reflect on why this is the case, they could find that this is what feels comfortable. This is not to say that these people will realise that they don’t feel comfortable around them; in fact, they might not even take the time to take a closer look into what is taking place.

Caught Up

They could believe that one should open up to them, and it this could then cause them to overlook their own behaviour. There could be moments when they ask them about their life and end up telling them that it would be good to hear more about what has been going on for them.

At other times, they could tell that that they should open up, and that there is no reason for them to be closed off. Now, this could be a sign that one finds it hard to open up, and this could be how they have been for most of their life.

Outlook

At a deeper level, one could believe that other people want to take advantage of them, and that it is not safe to trust other people. Through having this outlook, it then sets them up to attract people that mirror what they believe.

This could be the result of what took place during their younger years, and this may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected. The people they are surrounded with can then be a reflection of what took place during these years.

Criticism

And although the people in their life could be interested in their life or even say that it would be good to hear about their life, they could also end up criticising them. When this happens, one could end up being put down and shamed for how they behave.

There is then the chance that one will close up even more and it will then be even harder for them to open up. Even so, someone in their life could believe that this will encourage them to open up.
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Pain

What this can then show is that one’s behaviour has triggered something within them, and instead of being able to contain what is taking place for them, they end up criticising one’s behaviour. But while this will allow them to experience a momentary release, it is unlikely to cause one to open up.

Their behaviour is likely to undermine the relationship, and unless they can take responsibility for taking is taking place within them, it is unlikely to improve. There is also the chance that they could end up pushing one away.

Awareness

On one side, there will be what they need to do to deal with what is taking place within them, and on the other side, there will be what one needs to do in order to feel safe enough to open up. However, even if one was to start to feel safe enough to experience intimacy, it doesn’t mean that they will still have the same people in their life.

There is the chance that one could change what is taking place within them and yet the people around them could stay the same, and this could then cause them to be drawn to other people; the kind of people who will support them. When it comes to moving forward, it might be necessary for one to work with a therapist.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk