If someone finds it hard to be seen and they were to share this, another person might find it hard to understand. They could say that they can see them, so there is no way that this could be an issue for them.
However, being physically seen is unlikely to be the real issue; what they will struggle with is being seen for who they are. So, this will relate to having their feelings and needs recognised by another and being treated like an individual.
A Big Difference
For their physical self to be seen, all that will be required is for another person to be able to see; whereas when it comes to seeing the rest of them, their true self, what will be required is for another person to be present. Clearly, there is a big difference between being seen and truly being seen.
When someone finds it hard to be seen, then, they are typically going to feel as though who they are is rarely acknowledged. It will then be normal for them to feel invisible and as though they don’t exist.
As a result of this, they can often feel angry and frustrated, and helpless, hopeless and powerless. Additionally, they could often feel desperate to be truly seen by another, hoping that their life will change.
Another part of this is that they are likely to often feel empty and as though they are missing something. This can be seen as a natural consequence of not being seen as they will be deprived of the nutrients that they need.
A Natural Outcome
But, as they are an interdependent human being as opposed to an independent human being, this is to be expected. They, like everyone else, need other people to truly see them in order for their sense of self to exist.
This is then no different to how they would be if they were not eating enough or the right things; their body would be greatly weakened. So, their sense of self is no different to their body in this regard.
This could mean that they don’t have any friends and spend a lot of time by themselves; then again, this night not be the case. There could be a number of people in their life and they could be fairly sociable.
But, when they are with these people, they are unlikely to feel seen and heard; it could be as if who they are is not actually there. For some reason, other people won’t be able to see who they are.
If believe that they are missing something, this will be why they are essentially in an invisible prison. Therefore, if this missing part was found, they would finally be able to be seen by others.
There is the chance that this could be seen as something that would take place if they were to change their appearance and/or to become more successful, for instance. At the same time, they might have already gone down this path and very little if anything may have changed.
Still, although experiencing life in this way will be causing them to suffer, it doesn’t mean that they would actually feel comfortable if they were seen for who they are. If they were to imagine that they were seen by others, they could experience positive feelings at first.
But, if they were to stay with this, they could end up feeling deeply uncomfortable and experience a fair amount of shame. Thanks to this, they could soon feel the need to hide themselves and to go back to how they were before - being on the sidelines of life.
They may even see that they have felt this way when they have opened up at different times in their life and expressed their needs and feelings. Now it will be clear that as painful as it has been for them to experience life in this way, being seen is even worse.
This could end up being a time when they feel very confused and are unable to understand why this is the case. Their conscious mind won’t be able to see why they are this way and this is why what is going on won’t make any sense.
Back In Time
What this is likely to show is that their brain has blocked out what would shed light on why they are this way to protect them. This is likely to have been something that took place at the beginning of their life.
During their formative years, they may have been brought up by a caregiver who was unable to truly be there for them. This would have meant they were often neglected and when they were given attention, it typically wouldn’t have been the type of attention that they needed.
A Brutal Time
As they were totally dependent when they were born, they needed a primary caregiver who was able to provide them with the right nutrients, as this would have enabled them to develop a strong sense of self. This would have allowed them to not only experience a physical birth but to also experience an emotional birth.
As they didn’t receive the love, care, affection and mirroring that they needed, they would have been greatly wounded. Also, being seen, so expressing their needs, would have been seen as something that would cause them to be rejected and abandoned and thus, it would have been associated as something that was a threat to their very survival.
They would have automatically repressed the pain they were in and disconnected from their needs and from themselves - losing touch with their true self in the process - with this being a way for them to handle the pain of not having their needs met. This early experience would have given them a strong need to hide themselves, which will be at odds with the part of them that needs to be seen.
The reason they were not seen and were left by their caregiver had nothing to do with them, though, and everything to do with what was going for their caregiver. Yet, as they were egocentric at this stage of their life, they wouldn’t have known this.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.