Not too long ago, I was speaking to someone who had a less-than nurturing childhood, and this was something that had left them in a bad way. There was the impact it had had on how they saw themselves and then there was the trauma that they were carrying.
Then again, it might be more accurate to say that the trauma within them was defining how they saw themselves. It was then not a case of there being two problems, as their view of themselves was simply a symptom of what was taking place at a deeper level.
Searching For Answers
That wasn’t all they spoke about, though, as they had read a number of books and worked with a number of different therapists. It was clear that they were not willing to put up with how their life was.
But while they were doing the right thing, they still felt as though there was something inherently wrong with them. As a result of this, it wasn’t always possible for them to give themselves the support that they deserved.
A Normal Reaction
I said that this is often what happens when someone was abused during their younger years; they end up feeling responsible for what happened. This is due to the fact that they would have been egocentric at this age.
Consequently, it is then not that someone’s caregiver/s had issues; it is that there was something inherently wrong with them. Through having this outlook, it can take a lot for them to reach out for support as an adult and, even if they do, there can still be moments when they end up falling down, so to speak.
A Big Challenge
They can then end up sabotaging their own healing, and this can take place by putting an end to the therapy that they are having, for instance. Being drawn to alcohol or drugs can be another way for them to punish themselves.
The abuse would have been external to begin with and now it will be internal, with this being will stop them from being able to do what it takes to heal themselves. This will take place though how they talk to themselves and how they feel.
I knew exactly what this person was going through and this was because I had been though the same thing. During the early stages of my own healing journey, there was a small part of me that was on my side and a big part of me that wasn’t.
And, as time went by and I worked through the layers of pain within them, this small part of me gradually got bigger. This has not been an easy path to walk, but I can say that it has definitely been worth it.
A Warriors Journey
I wouldn’t have been able to achieve what I have without the assistance of others; their support has been invaluable. I told this person that it takes courage to do what they are doing and that they are doing the right thing.
Facing how we feel and working through our pain it is not easy, yet it is a vital part of being able to heal. I would say that it is easier than ever before to find the right assistance and this is largely due to the internet.
You are worth it!
So, if your childhood left you in a bad way, reach out for the assistance that you need. And, if you have already taken this step, keep going and don’t give up on yourself.
What happened to you all those years ago doesn’t reflect who you are and, as you heal yourself, you will gradually realise this. Your future self will thank you for what you do to change your life.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.