Fairly recently, the mainstream media shared a story about Kate Wright, someone who first came to prominence after being in a British TV program. In this story, it said that Katie had ‘bad anxiety’ and ‘struggled to love herself’.
Now, I don’t know much about her and I have only watched a few minutes of the TV program she was in, but I thought that this was an important issue to cover. What she struggles with is something that a lot of people struggle with at this point in time, so I wanted to share my thoughts.
Thus, what this means is that what I am about to go into is based on my own views; it is not be taken as the truth. Also, as I don’t know Katie personally and know very little about her past experiences, I am limited when it comes to the information that I have to work with.
My intention will be to shed light on why she is experiencing life in this way. And, as she is someone who is in the public eye, there is a greater chance that more people will read about this important issue than they would otherwise.
An Unexpected Admission
There are undoubtedly going to be many people out there, with a lot of these people being her fans, who find it hard to comprehend how someone like this can struggle to love herself. For one thing, she has a figure that a lot of women can only dream of having, and a lot of men find desirable.
Not only this, a brief look through one of her social media profiles and it is easy to get the impression that this is someone who lives the perfect life. And to top it off, she is engaged to a high status male.
Ticking all the Boxes
From the outside, then, this is a woman who appears to have it all. The things that are often put forward by society that will lead to happiness, such as the perfect body, fame and having a desirable partner, she has.
There are bound to be woman out there who struggle with the same inner challenges as Katie does, who believe that their life would be different if they had a body like her, for instance. If a woman like this was to hear about what Katie has said, they might not be willing to accept it.
A Way Out
For a woman like this, having the perfect body will be seen as an escape from how she currently experiences life. To hear another woman have the same experience as she does even though she has what they themselves want, could be too much for her to handle.
What this woman could then do is ignore what she has heard and continue to do what she can to change her body. But, just like Katie, she could soon find that having the perfect body doesn’t change how she feels about herself.
A Powerful Force
In the same way that the woman above can want to have the perfect body so that she can feel better about herself, there is the chance that this is what gave Katie the motivation to transform her body. In order for her to have the figure she currently has, she will have most likely spent a lot of time doing different types of exercises and she may even have had surgery, who knows.
Having the perfect body, then, would then have been seen as a way for her to finally feel good about herself. She would then have had two options: to look the way she did and to be a worthless human being or to have the perfect body and to be a valuable human being.
Using her will power to change her appearance would have been seen as a way for her feel better. Due to how bad she felt on the inside, not looking perfect would have been seen as something that revealed how flawed she was.
Transforming her appearance will then have been a way for her to stop people from realising the truth about her. So, through feeling worthless on the inside, her value will have ended up being externalised.
A Human Doing
Through being out of touch with her inner value and therefore, believing that her value is external and not internal, it will be essential for her to maintain a certain image. Having the perfect body and using social media to create the impression that she leads the perfect life will be a big part of this.
Ultimately, looking perfect and having the perfect life will be a defence against feeling imperfect. Naturally, this will cause her to experience a fair amount of pressure, and the amount of anxiety she experiences alludes to this.
The Fear of Being Exposed
The reason she experiences so much anxiety could be because she fears that other people will realise that she is not perfect, and, if this was to happen, it would cause her to come into contact with the part of herself that she is trying to avoid. It will take a lot of energy for her to maintain the image that she has created.
Yet, even though she will have to manage this anxiety, it will most likely be a lot easier for her to handle this than it would be for her to handle what would come up if she revealed her true-self. The false-self that she has created will most likely be a way for her to keep her shame at bay.
Too Much To Handle
If her whole being has been permeated by shame, it is going to be more or less impossible for her to experience self-love. It will be the equivalent of trying to feel comfortable on a bed that is covered in nails.
Shame is a feeling that is incredibly difficult to tolerate, which is why she would have used perfectionism to try to avoid it. Behind the external changes that she has made, will be the same person as before.
Back In Time
If someone’s whole being is permeated with shame, it is usually a sign that they have experienced trauma. So, there is the chance that something happened to her that overwhelmed her system.
If it doesn’t relate to a particular experience, it could show that she has had a number of experiences that had this effect. This could illustrate that she was bullied at school, or it may show that she experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect during her early years, for instance.
What this emphasises is how powerful shame can be when it comes to how someone experiences life. If someone can relate to what has been said above, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support.
This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer. Through working through this shame, it will allow someone to embrace their inherent worth, allowing them to go from a human doing to a human being.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.