Letting Go: Do Some People Only Know Who They Are When They Are Holding Onto The Past?

If one can drive, they will know that they can either go forwards or they can go backwards; what they can’t do is to go in both directions at the same time. In the same way, one can either stay stuck in the past or they can embrace the present.

Therefore, in order for one to be able to live the kind of life that they want to live, it will be necessary for them to let go of the past. Now, this is not to say that they can’t think about the past from time to time; what it comes down to is that they can’t allow it to consume them.

 A Reminder

When one has moments when they focus on the past, it could allow them to think about the good times they have had. Along with this, it can enable them to think about how they don’t want certain things to take place gain.

What has happened can then be used to inspire them and it can remind them of how they want their life to be. It can then be seen as something that is there to support them as opposed to something that is there to hold them back.

Normal

If one can experience life in this way, it can be a sign that this is how they have been for most of their life. They may find that is most cases, it is relatively easy for them to let go.

But if they have had moments where they have found it hard to live in the moment, it could be because something traumatic has occurred. For example, one may have experienced the end of a relationship, or a loved one may have passed on.

A Momentary Experience

However, after a certain amount of time has passed, they may have soon be able to live in the now. Still, this is not to say that they won’t have moments when fairly trivial moments won’t have an effect on them.

Even so, they may find that they are soon able to let go of what has taken place and to carry on with their life. When one experiences life in this way, it can show that they are mentally and emotionally strong.

Moving Forward

Through having this strength, there will be no reason for them to get caught up in what has been and gone. And as they can do this, it could also be said that they have a certain level of self-awareness.

As if this wasn’t the case, there would be a greater chance of them getting caught up in the past. One has the ability to see that holding onto the past won’t help them, and through having the strength to let go of the past, they can live in the moment.

A Good Start

When one has been this way for as long as they can remember, it can be due to what their childhood years were like. During these years, their developmental needs may have been met on a consistent basis.

This would have allowed them to develop their mental and emotional strength, and this would make it a lot easier for them to be able to live in the moment. If, on the other hand, this was a time when they were abused and/or neglected, there is the chance that this wouldn’t be the case.

Caught Up

Instead, their early years would have set them up to experience a lot of mental and emotional pain, and it would then be a lot harder for them to live in the moment. Due to how painful these early years were, they would probably find that they can’t stop thinking about the past.

One would then lack the strength that they needed and the awareness to see what is taking place. As a result of this, one would be enslaved to their past and it wouldn’t matter how much this was causing them to suffer.

A Way Out

This doesn’t mean that one wouldn’t have been able to do anything if their early years were not very functional, as there is the chance that they would have been able to do something about it. There are going to be plenty of people who are living examples of this.

In order to achieve this, they may have had to develop their ability to observe their mind and to work through the pain that was within the. This would then have allowed them to gradually let go of who they were and to embrace who they are.

Holding On

Yet, even though one can have the need to let go of the past, it doesn’t mean that they are able to do so. They could find that even though this is holding them back, it has become part of their identity.

One may then start to wonder who they would be if they were no longer identified with something (or a number of things) that took place a number of years ago. What took place will give their life meaning, and unless this changes, they will continue to sabotage their life.

A New Identity
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It will then be important for one to realise that they can let go of how they see themselves without their life coming to an end. Not only will they still exist, but they will also be able to have a more fulfilling life.

And it could be said that the sooner one is able to change their identity, the better their life will be. Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that this is something that will happen overnight, and this is because they may need to completely reinvent themselves.

Awareness

It can all depend on if parts of their life are going to plan or if their whole life has come to a halt. One may find that the assistance of a therapist may give them the support that they need to let of what is holding them back and to develop the strength that they need to function better in their day-to-day life. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/