While there are experiences that one can have that won’t stop them from being able to carry on with their life; there are other experiences that can stop them from being able to move forward. When this happens, time will pass but their point of focus is going to be on what took place in the past.
As a result of this, the energy they have in the present moment is going to be directed towards something that took place a matter of months or even years before. So while this energy could be put to good use in present; it is going to be wasted in the past.
Through being so consumed by what happened, it could seem as though what happened is more real than what is happening. In this sense, it is still going to be seen as a big part of their life.
One way of looking at this would be to say that they are sabotaging their life and this means that it is not going to be possible for them to create a fulfilling life until they can let go. Through placing their attention on what has been and gone they are pushing away the only moment they have.
This is not to say that they realise what is taking place, as this could be something that they are not even aware of. Yet even if they are not aware of this, the people around them could point out what is taking place.
They may find that one is no longer the person they used to be and this could cause them to think about what is going on. This could be a sign that one no longer wants do to what they did before or it could mean that they are no longer as happy, for instance.
If they were to find out that they can’t let go of the past, they might talk to them about how important it is. And depending on how this is said, one could either feel supported or they could feel as though they are being told off.
When one feels supported, it can make it easier for them to handle what they are going through. They are likely to be under enough pressure without having people tell them what they should be doing.
During this time, someone might take the time to ask about what has been happening in their life. Or they may say that they are there for them if they ever want to talk about what is going on.
If, on the other hand, they are told off for holding on, it could end up being even harder for them to handle this time in their life. They could come to believe that they are the only ones who are unable to let go.
On one hand, there will be the pain they are in, and on the other hand, will be the pain they are experiencing through being around certain people. Through being around these kinds of people, or through reading certain quotes on the internet; one can end up feeling as though there is something wrong with them.
When one is unable to let go, this could mean that they are holding onto a past relationship, a stage in their life that they enjoyed and/or they may even has lost someone, among other things. Either way, their attention is on how things were as opposed to how things are.
A Common Outlook
If one was told that they need to let go, there is a strong chance that the other person will believe that this is something that happens through force. They could say that they need to remove the past from their mind or that they need to ‘change’ their thoughts for instance.
In this sense, it will be important for one to use their willpower and to take control of their life. One way of looking at this would be to say that letting go is something that happens through doing and not from being.
Based on this outlook, it is going to be all about the mind and unless one deals with what is taking place there, they won’t be able to let go. Through following this advice and using force, one may find that it is gradually possible for them to let go.
But at the same time, they may find that their life doesn’t change no matter how hard they try to let go. They may then be told that they need to focus on what will happen if they don’t let go and through doing this, it will keep them on track.
Out of Balance
What this approach overlooks is that is taking place in their body, and this will relate to how they feel. When something comes to an end there can be loss and through experiencing loss, one can also experience grief.
If this pain is faced and one is able to cry out the grief that is within them, for instance, it can be a lot easier for them to let go. Yet if this doesn’t take place and the pain ends up being trapped in their body, it can be a challenge for them to let go.
Holding onto the past can then be a way for one to avoid the emotional pain that is within their body. And as it relates to emotional pain, it is not going to be possible for one to let go through using force; they will need to surrender to how they feel.
It will then be important for them to put their willpower to one side and to be with what is taking place within them. Even though they might feel vulnerable through facing how they feel, this is not a process that will last forever.
This is not to say that one has to do this by themselves, as they can reach out for support. Through working with a therapist and/or a support group, they will be able to go where they wouldn’t go by themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.