Even though someone may hate themselves, it doesn’t mean that they will actually realise this. What this means is that this will be something that is just outside of their conscious awareness.
However, not being aware of this won’t mean that their life won’t be affected by what is taking place at a deeper level. Just like the person who is aware of the fact that they hate themselves, there will be what they have to deal with internally and externally.
A Dark Place
One is likely to be used to experiencing negative thoughts and feelings. Feeling worthless, useless and incapable could be normal and, if ever they don’t feel this way, it could be because they have disconnected from their feelings and have shut down.
Here, one could feel down and even describe themselves as being depressed. There can be a voice in their head that doesn’t miss the chance to criticise them and to tell them how bad they are.
A Bleak Existence
Through having so much toxicity within them, there is the chance that their external world won’t be much better. They could spend time around people who are not right for them, and some of these people may even treat them badly.
As for getting their needs met, they could just settle for whatever they are given; not believing that their needs are important. They might not even believe that they have a right to be on this earth.
Getting To the Root
If they were able to detach from what is taking place inside them and to go deeper, they may soon find out that they hate themselves. They will then feel so bad about themselves that it might seem as though there is nothing that they can do to feel better.
Due to how they feel, ending their life might be seen as the only way for them to end the misery they are in. The truth is that how they feel and the thoughts that they have are not the truth; they are likely to be a response to a time in their life that was very traumatic.
Their early years may have been a time when they were abused and neglected, which would have meant that they were not given the love and care that they needed. As they were egocentric at this stage of their life, what took place would have been seen as a reflection of their worth as a human being.
In reality, how they were treated had nothing to do with them or their value; it was most likely a sign that their caregiver/s was not in a good way. Their caregiver/s may have also been treated in the same way during their early years.
A Big Difference
What took place would have caused them to create a strong inner critic, to develop a number of limiting beliefs and to experience a lot of emotional pain. Their brain may have also been affected by what took place.
Therefore, it won’t just be a case of changing their ‘software’; they will also need to repair their ‘hardware’ too. Naturally, changing the former is a lot easier than repairing the latter, hence why healing from complex post-traumatic stress doesn’t happen overnight as someone’s brain and nervous system will have been affected.
So, as they will have probably had experience after experience of being treated badly as a child, it is unlikely to just be a case of having a few therapy sessions and all will be well. They will be working through layers of pain and changing their brain in the process.
Yet, as they are in a bad way, and this is understandable, they may find that they are drawn to options that promise miracles in a very short period of time. Of course, some options are more effective than others, but there are no magic wounds.
If one is not in a good way, what matters is that they reach out for external support and don’t suffer in silence. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
By letting go of what has built up inside them and changing their brain and nervous system, it will get easier for them to experience positive feelings. The effort that the put in will be worth it in the long-run.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.