It is an essential human need to be listened to and truly heard by others. This leads to a sense of validation and the experience of being mirrored. From the moment one is born this need is there and it will stay there until the moment they pass.
Although this need is essential to ones wellbeing, it doesn’t mean that one will always feel that other people are listening to them or that one will always listen to what others are saying. When it comes to being listened to, there is going to be higher expectations when it relates to friends, family or ones partner, then there will be to people who are casual acquaintances or relative strangers.
If people in the second group invalidate what one says or even ignore them, it could be frustrating and yet at a deeper level, one might understand that not everyone is going to truly listen to them.
To experience the same scenario with the people that one is closest to will lead to challenges; these could be short term challenges that are dealt with fairly quickly. Here, one might feel emotionally disconnected from the other person and then before long, the connection returns to how it was before.
This would be the ideal outcome and sometimes what is ideal doesn’t take place. In this instance, one could feel emotionally disconnected and unwilling to return to how things were. The relationship could be lost forever or never return to how it once was.
In the cases where one feels that another person is listening to them, whether it is someone they have just met or have known for ages, there will be commonalities. This will be person that is open to what one has to say.
Everything from their body language, to their facial expressions and the energy they are giving off will show this. One could share things that could be labelled as taboo, immoral or emotionally charged and still feel listened to.
So when someone has the ability to listen this way, it will lead to two benefits. On one side is what it will do for others and how they will feel: accepted, connected, understood and know that they can open up about anything.
And on the other side is what this will do for the person who listens without judgement or very little judgement. People will open up to this person and find it easy to trust them. So it should be easy for them to create deep and lasting relationships with others.
What might not happen for others or what could take ages, might take a matter of hours for this individual. To others it might be a mystery as to how they connect so easily and deeply with others. However, what they are doing is available to anyone who listens in the same way.
The first way is familiar to everyone and this is when ones awareness is primarily in their head. From this position, the mind is going to come up with all kinds of things and this will create distance and separation. This can include: judgements, interpretations, projections and comparisons.
Some of these will be vocalised and acted upon and others will stay inside. This will cause one to no longer be present and in touch with what the other person is communicating. If the other is aware, they will notice that the other person has ‘checked out’ and is no longer in the moment.
When ones awareness is in their heart more than it is in their head, they will listen in a completely different way. The separation and distance that is experienced in the mind will not be found here. What there will be is compassion and empathy and not judgements or interpretations.
And the other person will know that the other person is listening to them and is actually present. This is due to the heart being free from duality and therefore has nothing to do; one can then simply be with the other person.
Intimacy and connection are supported and enhanced through placing ones awareness in their heart; as opposed to creating conflict and a sense of disconnection through being in their heads.
A Different Approach
This not to say that one shouldn’t think or that being in ones heart is easy and straightforward. For some people, it might be relatively easy and for others it may be a struggle at first.
One factor can be how connected one is to their body and if one has a strong connection, this will be a lot easier. If one has trouble moving their awareness into their body and more importantly into their heart, then there could be some letting go to do.
When situations are not processed it can cause a build up in one’s body; this can include trapped emotions and feelings for example. And as these are still in one’s body, it can make it extremely difficult to get out of one’s head and into their body.
As the body becomes clearer, one’s mind will also begin to settle down and there will not be the same pressure to go into ones head all the time.
One may require the assistance of a therapist or healer to let go of what has built up within them. Or to engage in some kind of self study to help them learn about what is going on within then.
Oliver JR Cooper
Teacher, Author, Transformational Writer & Coach - With Over 1,712,000 Article Views Online.
I also offer coaching via Skype and email. To find out more, click here.
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part One
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part Two
A Dialogue With The Spirit
Why Does He Behave That Way? Why Do I Behave This Way?