Looking Perfect: Can Toxic Shame Make Someone Want To Look Perfect?

The mainstream media has been presenting images of people that have been edited for years, and as time has passed, social media has also allowed people to present images that have been edited. As a result of this, someone can go from being manipulated by the media at one point in time, to being the ones who manipulate others at another.

Focus

This is not to say that they would realise what is taking place, as they might only be concerned about creating a certain impression. Through doing this, it could increase the amount of approval that they receive from others.

Their well-being could then improve, and the effect their pictures might be having on others could be the last thing on their mind. What is also going to play a part here is how secure someone is.

A Matter of Degree

On one side, there are going to be people who heavily edit their pictures, and on the other side, there are going to be people who don’t. When they do, their pictures might not look anything like the originals, and when they don’t, there might not be much of a difference.

If one finds it hard to accept themselves, they could have a greater need to edit their pictures. But while this may well lead to approval; it doesn’t mean it will have an effect on them, and this is because the approval they receive wont relate to what they actually look like.

A False Image

The responses that other people give them will be the result of the false image they have presented. Therefore, one might feel good when they are getting these responses and soon after, but there could be other moments where they feel completely different.

Also, as they receiving approval through changing their image, it can make it even harder for them to accept themselves as they are. Whereas if one only made a few minor changes to their pictures; it would be easier for them to accept the feedback that they receive.

Attached

Yet when one is attached to an image that they have created, it is not going to be easy for them to let it go. In their eyes, this could be who they are, and the rest of their life can then be a reflection of the false-self that they have created.

Other people could then see that they are out of touch with their true-self, but it might not be possible for them to realise this. All the time this false-self allows them to receive positive feedback, they are unlikely to change.

The Real World

While social media gives one a platform where they can present their false-self, it doesn’t mean that this is the only avenue. It is also going to be important for them to maintain this image at all times.

In their day-today life, they will need to come across in the same way, and while this might be relatively easy, it might not. What this comes down to is that although one can edit their appearance online by pressing a few buttons, they can’t do the same thing in real life.

Looking Perfect

In this case, one won’t have to do much in order to look perfect online, but the same can’t be said when it come looking perfect offline.  As a way to experience more control, one could end up having some kind of cosmetic surgery and/or procedures that are non-surgical

Nowadays, these kinds of options are not only more accepted, they are also more affordable. However, even if one believes that they look perfect, it doesn’t mean they will always have this outlook.

Change

What is seen as the perfect look at one point in time is not necessarily going to be seen as the perfect look at another. Life is in a constant state of flux, and this is why perfection is nothing more than an illusion.
 
Yet when it comes to what human beings perceive as perfect in the same or the opposite gender, it could be said that there will certain commonalities.. Along with this, what one person sees as perfect might not be same as what another person sees as perfect, and their outlooks could also change as time passes.

Two Extremes

When one has the need to look perfect it can be because they don’t feel comfortable with their appearance. Therefore, through creating the perfect appearance, it will then be possible for them to feel comfortable.

One then sees themselves as being on one side of the spectrum, and through making a few adjustments, they will be end up on the other side. If one was ask other people what they thought about their appearance, they may find that other people don’t see them in the same way.

Positive Feedback

One might be told that there is nothing wrong with how they look, and others might say that they look attractive. The feedback they receive might not have an effect on them, and they could then carry on doing the same thing.

But if they are able to take step back from themselves and to put their appearance to one side, they may find that their need to look perfect is a way for them to avoid how they feel. The painful feelings within them are then kept at bay through receiving positive feedback from others.

Toxic Shame

If they were to get in touch with how they feel, they could end up feeling worthless, and this could be how they have felt for most of their life. When one feels this way, it is likely to mean that they are carrying toxic shame.

This could be a sign that one has experienced some kind of abuse, and this could have occurred during their adult years and/or during their childhood years. As a result of what happened, it would have caused one to create a shame-based identity, and as way to avoid the pain within them, they would have created a false-self.

Awareness

If they were to let go of this false-self, they would end up having to face the pain that is within them. In order for them to get in touch with their true-self, they will need to process the pain that they are carrying in their body.

This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ ​​​​​