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After having recently lost a parent, someone could find that they are now experiencing a number of different feelings. There can also be a sense of shock around what has happened, with them finding it hard to accept that they will never see this parent again.
When it comes to how they feel, they are likely to feel a deep sense of loss and sadness. This can mean that they will spend a fair amount of time crying and when they are not crying, they could simply feel very low and depressed. Keeping it Together If they are still able to function, it could show that, at times, they are able to lose touch with how they feel. This can be a time when they will shut down, which will allow their mind to be a lot clearer. By being this way, they might be able to carry on as normal at work and still perform and to take care of other responsibilities, for instance. But, as time passes, it could get harder and harder for them to do so and they may need to take a break to avoid breaking down. Another Part Along with this, this can be a time when they will have moments when they are overwhelmed with guilt. Therefore, not only will they be suffering as a result of what has happened but they will also feel as though they have done something wrong. Or to be more accurate, they may feel as though they have done a number of things that were wrong. In addition to experiencing guilt, then, they will be filled with a deep sense of regret. For Example What this may show is that they didn’t get on with this parent and they usually argued whenever they saw them. Then again, they might not have argued with them but they might have rarely seen them. Regardless of whether they can or can’t relate to one of these scenarios, they are going to spend a fair amount of time thinking about what they should have done when this parent was alive. When this parent was alive, however, they would have had a very different outlook. Totally Overlooked Even so, their mind will have forgotten all about what it was like before and will go over all the things that they should have done. Through being caught up in what this part of them says, it is to be expected that they will have moments when they will feel very bad. If they saw themselves as a good person before, they can now see themselves as a bad person. To make matters worse, as this parent has now passed on they won’t be able to make up for the wrongs that they believe they have committed. Stepping Back Due to how emotionally raw they are and how strong the guilt is that they are experiencing, their ability to think clearly will have been greatly undermined. If this part of them was to come back online, they might soon see how irrational their guilt is. First, they wouldn’t have known then at a mental and emotional level what they know now at a mental and emotional level. If they had known before what they know now at both of these levels, they would have behaved differently. Another point Second, there is a strong chance that they were not solely responsible for the relationship that they had with this parent. So while they can think about what they should have done, there is also likely to be what their parent could have done differently. The trouble, of course, is that although one is still alive and able to reflect on how things were and what they could have done, and thereby, experience guilt and regret, their parent is no longer in a position to do this. At the same time, and if this parent is on the other side, so to speak, there is the chance that they have reflected on what took place and what they could have done and are also feeling guilty about how they behaved and are filled with regret. In Balance In the same way that they will be able to see more clearly as this parent is no longer around, their parent will now be able to see more clearly now they are no longer in the human form. This is not to say that they have necessarily become a highly evolved version of themselves; it is perhaps that they are free from a number of the illusions that they were caught up in before and perhaps, through no longer inhabiting a body that was not in a good way, they can see things a lot more clearly. If this is taken into account, they will be able to see that there is no need for them to carry all of the weight and that both they themselves and their parent had a part to play before. To accept this other part, they might need to question what they believe about what happens when someone passes on as they might believe that once someone dies, that’s the end of it. Destined To Happen With that aside, they might see that they were not overly close to this parent due to what took place during their early years. In this case, they were not able to fully bond with them and this then shaped what kind of relationship they had and would have with them as time went by. This will show that their parent was just as responsible as they themselves are when it comes to how things turned out. Keeping this in mind and facing up to how things actually were probably won’t stop them from feeling guilty straight away but it can allow them to gradually let go of the guilt that they are experiencing. Final Thoughts What guilt and blame can also do is give them a sense of control and allow them to avoid feeling totally helpless. In truth, they are totally helpless when it comes to what has taken place; there is absolutely nothing that they can do. All they can do is to surrender to how they feel and allow themselves to grieve. By surrendering as opposed to trying to change or control what is going on, they will gradually be able to embrace life once again. Final Thoughts What is essential during this time is that they don’t isolate themselves or try to keep everything in and reach out for the right support. No one is their own island and in times like this, far more support is likely to be needed than usual.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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