Loss: Can The Need To Be Loyal Cause Someone To Get Stuck In The Grieving Process?

When one experiences loss, it might be possible for them to carry on with the rest of their life; however, there is also the chance that they won’t be able to do this. In this case, it is could be quiet some time before they are able to do what they used to do before.

What this comes down to is that each loss that one experiences is not going to affect them in the same way. Also, what effects one person is not necessarily going to affect another, and if it does, it might not affect them in the same way.

An Individual Experience

This shows that there is what happens on one side, and then there is how one responds to what happens on the other. One person might breakup with their partner and end up falling into a deep depression; while another might feel down for a weeks and then be on their way.

One way of looking at this would be to say that one person was closer to their partner than the other, and this is why their experiences are different. Another way of looking at it would be to say that one person is carrying pain from the past, and this is why they feel the way they do.

A Combination of Factors

The reason one person experiences more pain than the other could be because of both of these reasons, and there could also be other factors involved. It could also be a sign that one person can handle their emotions and the other cant.

And because they can handle them, it is then going to be possible for them to work through them. They are then not always going to be overwhelmed by how they feel, and they won’t always have the need repress how they feel either.

Emotional Intelligence

This is then going to mean that they are emotionally intelligent, and this is going to make it easier for them to handle loss. For one thing, when one can’t tolerate painful feelings, they are likely to have an emotional build-up within them.

Each loss that they experience can then build on top of the other, and they are going to be carrying a lot of pain. What takes place externally is then going to trigger what is trapped within them, and this is why it can be harder for them to handle loss.

Overwhelmed

This shows how different one’s life can be when they haven’t got the ability to tolerate painful emotions. If one can do this, they might not be able to relate to someone who can’t, and they could wonder why someone is unable to experience emotional control.

However, when this is how one experiences life, it might be how they have always been. In this case, they are not going to know what it is like to experience emotional control; the only thing they know is being controlled by how they feel.

Loss

This is not to say that having the ability to handle painful emotions mean that one will always be able to carry on in with their life after they have experienced loss. They can still have moments where the grief is so strong that it can be a challenge for them to handle life for a while.

When one experiences life in this way, it could because a relationship has come to an end, or it could be the result of losing a loved one. It could also be something that one experiences through losing a pet, among other things.

Change

However, as long as one goes through the grieving process when someone has passed on, they should be able to find meaning once again. This doesn’t mean they will return to how they were before, as the whole experience is likely to change them.

Through working through how they feel, they might end up having a new outlook on life, and their priorities may also change, for instance. When this happens, they will be able to embrace life once again.

A Process

One way for one to let go of the grief that is within them will be to cry it out, and while there will be times when they feel better, there will also be times when they feel worse. This is because the mourning process is not linear; there will be ups and downs.

Therefore, it could go on for not only a matter of months, it could last for a number of years. This is why external support is so important, as it will give one the strength they need to stay on track and to realise that life is worth living again.

Stuck

Yet, even though this is a process, one could find that it is something that doesn’t end. They can feel as though they are stuck in their grief, and no matter what they do, they are unable to function.

And if they were to take the time to reflect on why this is, they may find out that they hold on because they don’t want to betray the person who has passed on. If they were to live their life again, it would cause them to feel guilty.

Loyalty

As a result of this, the only way for them to remain loyal will be to suffer, and this is why they have to hold onto their grief. Intellectually, they might wonder what is going on; but at an emotional level, this could be what feels right.

One option might be for one to take some kind of antidepressants to change how they feel; whilst another option would be to take a deeper look into what is taking place. If they were to do this, they may find that something else is holding them back, and that is doesn’t just relate to what is taking place within them.
Awareness

In this case, it can be a sign that one is holding onto the pain out of love, and this means that they may need to have a family constellation. Through doing this, it may allow them to let go of their entanglement to the person that has passed.

This doesn’t mean they will have to forget the other person; what it means is that one will have the freedom they need to live their life. One can experience this in workshop or they can have a one-to-one session.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/