It could be said that the loss of a loved one is one of the hardest things to experience on this earth. This can relate to a family member, a partner, a friend, and even a pet.
When this takes place, someone can end up being mentally, emotionally and physically floored. It can be as if their whole world has been turned upside down and they could end up losing the will to live.
A Different Life
What is clear is that their life will have changed and no matter how much they might want it to return to how it was; it is never going to be the same again. But while this is the case, they might not be able to accept this in the beginning.
A big part of them could believe that what has taken place is not permanent and that their life will soon go back to how it was. This will be something that their mind will do to stop them from being overwhelmed with pain.
Providing one allows themselves to embrace how they feel from time to time and to grieve, their need to live in denial should start to decrease. What will make it easier for them to handle what they are going through is external support.
Talking about what they are going through and about the person that they have lost will assist them. What certainly won’t help them is if they keep it all to themselves and suffer in silence.
A Slow Process
When it comes to how long it will take until they are able to embrace life again, and even to find their will to live if they have lost it, it can depend on a number of different factors. The state of their inner world and how meaningful their life was before this person passed on can play a part.
For example, if they were not in a good way emotionally before this took place and their whole life revolved around this person, it could take them quite some time. They wouldn’t have had strong foundations and all of their eggs would have been in one basket, so to speak.
Going With It
It could be a matter of years, not months, until they are able to integrate what took place and to live life again. But even when this does happen, it doesn’t mean that they won’t have moments when they feel sad or that they will have ‘moved on’.
The other person will live on in their memories and in their heart. What matters here is that they allow themselves to embrace how they feel and to take their time as opposed to denying how they feel and trying to rush this process.
A Complex Area
If, after many years have passed, one is unable to embrace life and to find meaning again, it could show that something is not right. The years will then have passed but it could be as if they only passed on a few days ago.
What one could find is that a big part of them doesn’t want to experience life differently and is holding onto what took place. A smaller part of them is not going to want to forget about the person who has passed, yet they will want to embrace life again.
Part of the Human Experience
The fact that they do want to embrace life again can be seen as being perfectly normal; after all, loss is part of life. And as loss is part of life, there is going to be no need for someone to stop living after they have lost another person.
Of course, this can take place for a while but there should come a point in time when it is no longer the case. One could even think about how they wouldn’t want the people in their life to put their life on hold forever if they had passed on.
A Closer Look
After taking a step back and seeing that a big part of them doesn’t want to move on, they may find that this part of them has the need to be loyal to the person who passed on. And if they do allow themselves to embrace life again, this part of them believes that they will be being disloyal.
In other words, holding onto what took place will be a way for this part of them to show their love to the person who passed on. To this part of them, not doing this will be seen as an act of betrayal and a sign that they don’t love them.
Something to Consider
If the person who passed did actually love them, it is highly likely that they wouldn’t want them to suffer in this way. What they would probably want is for one to live a good life, even if they wouldn’t want them to forget them.
This person would have had to have been incredibly selfish to want one to spend the rest of their time on this earth suffering. If they were able to get through to them now, they might tell them that the best way to show their love for them is to embrace the life that they have been given.
If one can relate to this, and they want to resolve the conflict that is inside them, they may need to reach out for external support. The assistance of a therapist or healer may be needed here.
What may help with this is something called family constellation therapy. For one to have got to this point they will have needed to have developed a certain level of self-awareness and now they will be able to take the next step.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.