Although experiencing a loss is part of the human experience, working through a loss is not something that is generally seen in the same light. As a result of this, it can be normal for someone to experience loss and then to carry on as normal.
They could then have lost a family member, their partner or a pet, for instance, but they will continue to behave in the same way as they did before. If another person isn’t aware that one has lost someone or something, they might not realise what has taken place.
This can show how well someone is able to hide how they feel and to ‘keep it all together’. It can go further than this, though, as one can do what they can to hide how they feel from themselves.
Now, of course, there is always the chance that what has taken place hasn’t really affected them or maybe, as this person or being wasn’t well for a long time, they have already been grieving their loss for quite some time. But if either of these two factors is not relevant and one has been deeply affected by what has taken place, it will show that they are not allowing themselves to face how they feel and to go through the grieving process.
If there are people in their life who are aware of what has taken place, most, if not all, of these people might not find it strange that they haven’t really been impacted by their loss. They could just believe that one is strong and ‘resilient’, which is why it hasn’t really affected them.
There can be times when one will look sad and won’t be up to their usual level, but this will be something that seldom takes place. Therefore, even though one will be denying how they feel, they will be seen as doing the right thing and applauded for it.
Alternatively, one could embrace how they feel and allow their feelings to influence their behaviour. Consequently, it won’t be possible for them to keep it all together or to look ‘strong’.
Thanks to this, they could feel as though they are ‘weak’ and certain people in their life could insinuate the same thing. Still, before long, this internal and external pressure could cause them to disconnect from how they feel.
Out of Balance
Whether the former or the latter takes place, it will come down to the view that emotional expression is a sign of weakness. To be seen as strong and together, someone needs to keep a lid on how they feel.
Further, when someone pushes down how they feel, their mind will be resisting what is taking place in their body. They will be using their willpower to try to keep how they feel at bay.
But, even though one will using their inner masculinity (mind) to control their inner femininity (body), it doesn’t mean that they will be aware of what is taking place. As far as they are concerned, their feelings could be the result of what is taking place in their mind.
Thus, it is not that they are denying how they feel, it is that they are simply not allowing themselves to get caught up in the ‘negative’ feelings that their mind is creating. By not focusing on these feelings and having the right thoughts, they will be able to let go of how they feel and to move forward.
A Half-Truth at Best
This could be something that they have learnt from the self-development world or by having some kind of counselling. From one of these sources or another, they will have come to believe that their thoughts create their feelings.
This view can be seen as a consequence of living in a society that is mind-centric and doesn’t even acknowledge the existence of an emotional body, let alone looks deeper into the impact that it has. If this part of ones being was also taken into consideration, it would be clear that thoughts can create feelings and thoughts can also trigger trapped feelings.
A Short-Term Solution
So, bearing in mind that how someone feels will also be a consequence of what is going on for them at an emotional level, it is simply not going to be possible for them to let go of their feelings just by having the right thoughts and focusing on the right things. Now, this is not to that this approach won’t allow them to convince themselves and others that they have ‘moved on’ from what happened.
Through using force to push how they feel out of their conscious awareness and down into their unconscious mind/body, and creating a strong barrier between their two minds in the process, they could maintain this illusion for decades. Nonetheless, even though they will end up forgetting that they have forgotten about this pain as time goes by, it will still exert its influence on them.
Out of Mind but Not Out of Body
Over time, this emotional pain can end up having a negative impact on their physical health and drain them of vitality. The situations, circumstances and events that they find themselves in can also be a manifestation of what has built-up.
There could be a point in time when they will experience another loss and this will trigger a lot of the pain that they have avoided for so long, and this time, they might not be able to use their mind to deal with it. Another thing that could take place is that through not dealing with their pain, they end up passing it onto future generations.
When it comes to the grieving process, this a time when one will need to surrender to how they feel. Their masculine nature can support them during this time but there will be no need for it to try to control the feminine part of their nature.
Going through this process is a sign of strength and something that will gradually allow them to truly embrace life once again and to find meaning. Doing the opposite and forcing themselves to be happy and joyful is not going to serve them in the long run.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.