Loss: Is It Normal To Grieve A Number Of Years Later?

When someone has got something to do, they can get it done straight away or they can put it to one side and do something else. And when it comes to what is the best approach to take, it can all depend on what it is that needs to be done.

If one had a piece of furniture that needed to be built, it might be possible for them to ignore it for a few days; but once those days are up, it might need be ready to be used. However, this could all depend on what type of furniture it is, as it might be possible for them to leave it for a number of months.

The Difference

One could live in a climate where it won’t be warm for a number of months, and this will then mean that they won’t need to use any tables and chairs outside for quite some time. Thus, if they overlooked this and did something else, it is not going to have a negative effect on their life.

Yet if one had some furniture that they needed to use inside, it is not going to possible for them to put it to one side. Perhaps they haven’t got anywhere to eat or they have a table but no chairs.

Part of Life

Now, it could be said that there are times in everyone’s life where they delays things, and there are a number of reasons why his takes place. When this relates to something that one needs to do, it could be said that they are procrastinating.

For example, one could be studying or have a career where they give presentations on a regular basis, and instead putting the work in, they could do something else. Through behaving in this way, it could set them up to suffer unnecessarily.

A Regular Occurrence

If this was something that took place every now and then, for instance, it might not have much of an effect on their life.  But if this was a common occurrence, they could end up sabotaging their life.

It would then be a good idea for them to take a look into why this takes place, and to do what they can to take action when they need to. This could be a sign that one is doing something that doesn’t really interest them, and it might then be time for them to do something else.

Loss

What can also stop one from doing what they need to do is when they feel the need to maintain a certain appearance around other people. Their need to look right or to behave as they have done in the past stops them from expressing what is taking place within them.

This is something that can take place when one experiences loss and this can then mean that it won’t be possible for one to grieve. Instead, one can end up carrying on as normal and how they feel will stay trapped within them.

Behaviour

So although they need to change their behaviour, this is not going to take place, and there is even the chance that the people around them will give them positive feedback. As far as these people are concerned, one could be seen as someone who is strong.

There will then be no need for them to embrace what is taking place within them, as this would be a sign of weakness. This could be a time where one is focused on someone else who is grieving, or they might just throw themselves into their work, for instance.

Backwards

One of the problems with today’s world is that people who express how they feel are often seen as weak and people who don’t are often seen as strong. This then sets people up to repress how they feel, and not only does this affect their personal lives, it is also has an effect on their society.

Ultimately, it takes strength for someone to face how they feel; it is a lot easier for one to run away from themselves. There is also a lot of pressure on people to be ‘positive’ all the time and to avid anything that is ‘negative’.

Life Goes On

So through living in a society that is out of balance, it is not going to be much of a surprise if one doesn’t face how they feel when someone in their life passes on. The weeks, months and years can then pass and it can be as if there life is no different.

This is not to say that certain symptoms won’t arise, but if one is out of touch with how they feel they are unlikely to realise what is taking place. One could find that they start to feel depressed or they could lose their motivation, for instance.

Out of Nowhere

When they do get in touch with the pain that they disconnected from when someone passed on, it could end up taking them by surprise. One can then go from feeling as though they have a certain amount of self-control, to having absolutely no self-control.

They will then be overwhelmed by emotion and they will have no other choice than to face what is taking place within them. This is not to say that they won’t resist how they feel, but it will be a lot harder this time.

The Trigger

One could be in a position where a relationship has just come to an end up and this causes them to face how they feel. It could also be the anniversary of the person who has passed and this could change their point off focus.

Or one could move somewhere else, or change their job, and this then allows them to settle down and to get in touch with their body. There are a number of ways in which this can take place.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, it might be important for them to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group. This can be a time where one will be crying out the pain that is within them, among other things.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/