There are times when one can experience a loss and it won’t have much of an effect on them, and then there are times when this won’t be the case. And what can define how much of an impact a loss has on them can all depend on their level of emotional attachment.
For example, if one had a t-shirt and then they lost it, they are unlikely to end up in a bad place. Yet, if one was in a relationship and then it came to an end, there is a strong chance that they won’t be able to simply carry on with their life.
Having said that, if one was to lose a t-shirt that meant a lot to them, it might be hard for them to just forget about what happened. This could be because the t-shirt was given to them by a friend or a family member who is no longer around, for instance.
Once a relationship comes to an end, they might feel a sense of relief and not loss. This is likely to be a sign that although they were physically together, they were no longer emotionally together.
Black and White
What this shows is that it is not black and white, and that just because one person responds in a certain way, it doesn’t mean another person will. It is going to be important for one to realise this, as they might end up feeling as though there is something wrong with them if they respond differently to others.
One thing that can make loss harder to handle is when one is already carrying pain from past losses. Their present-day loss is then going to trigger losses from the past, and this can then cause them to feel overwhelmed.
On one side, this could cause one to have a strong reaction to something and not understand why. When this happens, one might experience the end of a relationship, and while they wanted it to end, they might end up feeling a strong sense of loss.
And on the other side, one could have a strong reaction to something and believe that it relates to their present-day loss. This could mean that one is in a relationship that they didn’t want to end, and although it is going to be normal for them to experience loss, they could end up feeling suicidal, for instance.
To feel this way after the loss could mean that one is carrying a lot of pain from the past, and while it might seem like an overreaction, there may have been a time when it was normal. But then again, it could relate to their present-day loss; this is something that one will have to look into.
When a relationship comes to an end, (either through a breakup or due to the other person passing on) the meaning of one’s life is likely to change. One can then feel as though they no longer have a reason to live and this why they can feel suicidal.
If one was to lose someone they were close to, they are going to experience grief, and this is because this is a natural part of experiencing loss. They may also feel as though their heart has been broken.
Therefore, through losing a family member or a friend, for instance, one is going to be in a lot of pain, and this pain is unlikely to disappear overnight. It will also be important for one to be around people who can support them during this time.
While one might have been someone who was strong before, they are unlikely to feel as strong as they did. The people around them can give them the support they need to handle the pain that they are experiencing.
This is something that can come from family and friends, and it might also be necessary for one to seek professional help. However, this can all depend on what kind of support the people around them can give them.
One may hear that time is a great healer, and that they will feel better as time passes. Through hearing this, one could end up looking to the future, and believe that it’s only a matter of time before they feel better.
This is not the complete truth though, and this is because one will need to mourn the grief that is within them in order to heal their heart. If they were to avoid their pain and just waited for time to pass, there is a strong chance that they won’t feel any different.
As time passes, one could end up disconnecting from how they feel, and it will then be normal for them to feel numb. And along with this, one could end up experiencing all kinds of symptoms.
One may end up feeling depressed and lose interest in what they used to enjoy doing, and they could even experience pain in their chest, among others things. But while these kinds of symptoms can appear after one experiences loss and then go as one faces their pain, they are likely to stay around when one avoids how they feel.
Facing the Pain
In this sense, time can be a great healer as long as one faces how they feel. Through facing how they feel each day, they will gradually begin to heal their heart, and as a result of this, the weeks, months and years that pass will have an impact on their life.
This doesn’t mean one will feel better with each day that passes though, and this is because this is not a linear process. In one moment, one could feel better and then in the next moment, they could feel awful.
It could be said that the primary way that will let go of their grief is through crying, and along with this, it is likely to be important for one to share how they feel with others. This is a time of surrender and not a time where one can simply ‘get over’ how they feel.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.