When one losses someone, they may feel the need to let go of their possessions soon after. Or if they don’t feel this way, the people around them may encourage them to have clear out, so to speak.
It could be said that the reason this would be seen as a good idea is that when something is out of site, it is often out of mind. Therefore, if one lets go of something that reminds them of the person who has passed on, it could have a positive impact on their life.
In this sense, one will be changing their environment, and it could be said that this sounds like the logical thing to do. Along with the need to let go of their possessions, one could also feel the need to move someone else.
This may involve one moving down the road, or it could mean that they want to move even further. In this case, they might be thinking about moving to another part of the country.
As a result of losing someone, there is a strong chance that one will be overwhelmed with grief, and it is them going to be normal for them to look for ways to change how they feel. The people around them are also likely to do the same thing, and while they may encourage them to go with how they feel, they might not.
How they respond to one’s grief can all depend on how comfortable they are with their own emotions. If they have a healthy relationship with their own emotions, they are more likely to be able to honour what one is going through.
A Healthy Relationship
It will then be possible for them to be there for them, and they won’t need to tell them to ‘move on’ or to ‘get over it’, for instance. One will then be able to feel supported in their presence as opposed to feeling as though there is something wrong with them.
They might tell them that they need to listen to themselves, and when the time is right, they will know when to get rid of something. There is then not going to be the need for one to feel pressure, and this will allow them to go at their own pace.
When one is around people who are like this, it will be a lot easier for them to go through the grieving process. They are unlikely to feel as strong as they usually do, and the people around them can be there for them.
It is then going to be easier for them to listen to themselves, and this can then allow them to make the decisions that are right for them. If the people around them were pressuring them to move on with their life, they could end up doing things for the wrong reasons.
This could then cause one to be more concerned with pleasing others than pleasing themselves. To be open to feedback from others during this time is one thing, but it is another thing altogether to be consumed by what they think.
It will be important for one to pay attention to how they feel, and when someone wants to assist them, they can listen to what they have to say. If it feels right, they can take it on board, but if it doesn’t, they can carry on with what they are doing.
When someone does offer their support, they may find that they simply offer them their presence. In this case, they won’t feel the need to do anything; they can just be with them.
One can then have someone to talk to, and while they may want to share their own feelings, they may have the need to talk about the person who has passed and/or about something else. They can also play a part in allowing one to find meaning once again, and to gradually realise that life is worth living.
And as to how long one needs this kind of support for can all depend on how long their grieving process takes. There is no set time frame here, and this is why one will need to be patient with themselves.
Letting go of the other persons possessions could then be seen as something that will allow one to change how they feel within a short period of time. However, while it might change how they feel in the short-term, it might make it harder for them to heal the pain that is within them in the long-term.
It has been said that one should wait at least a year before they get rid of someone’s possessions. This is not to say that one has to keep their possessions as they were, and to come into contact with them every day.
What it comes down to is that the possessions can assist one with their grieving process. Through coming into contact with them, it can allow one to come into contact with their feelings.
Going Through the Pain
As this pain arises, one can work through how they feel, whereas, if the possessions were given away soon after, it can be a lot harder for them to get in touch with how they feel. This is something that can take place when one feels ready to do so.
There could also be things that one would like to keep; with these items reminding them of the times they shared with the other person. Through embracing how they feel, and crying out the pain that is within them, they may find that letting go of the other person’s possessions a natural process.
There is then no need for them to use force; they can simply surrender to this process and go with how they feel. What matters is that one has the right support around them, and if they haven’t got this, it will be important for them to reach out.
This could be something that is provided by a therapist and/or a support group, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.