Loss: Why Is It Harder For Some People To Handle The Loss Of A Parent?

In the same way that getting older is generally part of life, experiencing loss is also part of life. And while getting older can be difficult, experiencing loss can be something that is even harder to handle.
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This can be put down to the fact that aging is a slower process, which allows the pain to be spread out. Loss, on the other hand, leads to instant pain, and this pain will be spread out over time.

A Different Experience

There are, of course, different types of loss, and while one type of loss might not be too painful, another type can be. If someone was to lose a pet they might find it hard to function for a few weeks, but if they were to lose a loved one, they might be like this for a lot longer.

The effect that losing a pet has on one person is then not necessarily going to be the same as the effect it has on another. One reason that could be put forward here is that one person will have had a closer connection with their pet than the other.

A Broken Connection

Losing a loved one can make it hard for someone to function for a matter of months and then they might gradually start to settle down. What took place could still be on their mind after this, but what happened won’t have made it impossible for them to handle life in general.

For someone else, it might not matter how many months or years pass, as they simply won’t be able to carry on with their life. While the person above will have gradually been able to go through the gears and to get themselves moving again, this won’t have been possible for them.

One Reason

What this could show is that one person has lost someone who was at the end of their life or who had been ill for a while. It was then not a surprise that this person has passed on, and this would have allowed them to prepare for the inevitable.

Unlike this person, the other may have lost a loved one who was not at the end of their life and neither was their health in a bad way. If this was the case, it would make complete sense as to why these two people have experienced different reactions.

Another Reason

At the same time, what may have played a big part in how these two people have responded to a loss is how emotionally developed they are. One person could be emotionally together, which will have enabled them to handle what took place.

For the other, they might not have been in a good place to begin with, meaning that they may have been emotionally troubled before they experienced loss. What took place would then have added even more pain to an inner world that was already in a bad way.

Another Factor

Then again, the reason why the former was able to move forward so quickly may have been a sign that they simply pushed their feelings out of their point of awareness. It might then be inaccurate to say that they have a healthy relationship with their emotions.  

The fact that the latter hasn’t been able to readjust to their life after a few months can then be seen as a sign that they do have a healthy relationship with their emotions. This is why they are not trying to cover up how they feel, creating the impression that their life is more or less back to how it was.  

Closer to Home

When someone loses a parent, the experience of loss can have a different impact on them.  However, even though this is the case, the scenarios above can still apply to this type of loss.

What this means, then, is that someone might have known that it was only a matter of time before this took place and this allowed them to mentally prepare, making it easier for them to come to terms with the loss. Or, someone might not have expected this to happen, making it incredibly difficult for them to handle what has taken place.

The Connection

The type of relationship that they had with this parent can also play a part in how they feel. If they had a close bond with them, it is naturally going to be harder for them to handle what has taken place.

Likewise, if this wasn’t the case and one didn’t have a close connection with them, it might make it easier for them to handle the loss. What this shows it that there are so many factors involved.

Early Trauma

Yet, even if someone didn’t have a close connection with their parent who has passed on, it doesn’t necessarily mean that this will make it easier for them to handle. The loss of one of their parents can end up triggering wounds from their childhood years.

For example, as this person is no longer around, they may end up going into survival mode. So, regardless of whether the loss has resulted in them feeling unsafe and/or to be excessively preoccupied with how they are going to support themselves, it is likely to show that something has been triggered from their early years.

Shaken To the Core

One is then not just going to have heavy heart after; they will have a body that is anything but calm. Still, this doesn’t mean that they were dependent on this parent for anything before, though.

Nonetheless, due to the trauma that has stayed in their body from their early years, now that this parent is no longer around it has come up to the surface. This illustrates that what took take place during someone’s early years can have a big impact how they respond to life events as an adult.

Awareness

If someone has lost a parent, and they can see that there is more to how they feel than what has recently taken place, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk