No matter how old someone is, there is a strong chance that they have experienced loss at one point or another. In fact, this could be something they have experienced on a number of occasions.
What this shows is that it is not necessary for one to reach a certain age before they lose someone that they are close to. For example, one may be in a position where one of their parents passed on when they were very young.
At the time, this is something that is likely to have caused them a lot of pain, and there is also the chance that it still does. The person they loved was taken away from them far too soon and so this is to be expected.
Along with this, it would have made them realise that there are no guarantees when it comes to how long someone is going to be around. And through going through this experience, it may mean that their outlook is different to most people their age.
Yet if this is not something that they can relate to, they may have lost a family member or someone they were close to in their adult life. This may then have meant that this caused them to think about how the people around them are not going to last forever.
That’s if this relates to a family member who was older than them, and if they were around the same age, it may have made them think about their own mortality, for instance. This is not to say that one will only suffer when they lose a fellow human being, as this is not going to be the case.
What can be just as painful is when one ends up losing a pet, and what this surely comes down to is the kind of connection that can be formed with an animal. They can be in one’s life for less time then another human being, but the impact they have can’t be denied.
One may find that they feel closer to animals than human beings, and this is going to mean that it is going to be normal for them to experience a lot of pain when they lose a pet. If they didn’t have this kind of connection, it might not be something that has such a big effect on them.
However, while loss is part of life, it doesn’t mean that the other side of loss is also part of life. This side relates to the grieving process and what one does to allow themselves to gradually embrace life once again.
Instead of this taking place, it can be normal for one to run away from how they feel and to carry on as normal. This is something that can cause one to be seen as being strong and as though they have it all together.
Good Is Bad and Bad Is Good
What this shows is how backwards the world is when it comes to emotional pain, and how there often is a lack of understanding when it comes to how to face it. In reality, it takes far more strength for one to face their pain than it does for them to run away from it.
What can lead to the outlook that one is strong, if they act as though they are not in pain, is because it can appear as though there are only two options. Either one avoids how they feel or they end up getting caught up in it.
Life Is Short
And as it is human nature to seek pleasure and to avoid pain, there can be no reason for one to face how they feel. The people around them can also have the tendency to avoid how they feel and so one is not going to believe that what they are doing is not healthy.
After all, life is short and so one can come to the conclusion that there is no need for them to experience pain. They may also believe that the person who has passed on wouldn’t want them to be sad, for instance.
Even so, it is not going to be possible for one to simply run away from how they feel; it will end up having an effect on their life. Sooner or later, certain symptoms will start to arise and one won’t be able to avoid them.
And once this happens it doesn’t mean that they will realise what is taking place, as they could be seen as being caused by something else. The pain within them will then continue to have an impact on their life.
When someone passes on one can have a similar view of then once they are no longer here, or they can end up seeing them in a completely different light. If the former takes place, it could be said that one is able to face reality.
However, when the latter takes place, it could be said that something is stopping one from being able to face how things were. In this instance, one could make out that the other person was perfect.
Along with this, they could say that they had a strong connection and that they were really close to them. Their family and friends could then find it hard to understand why they have this outlook.
These could people could be only too aware of what the other person was really like, and they may know what one didn’t have a strong connection with them and that they weren’t particularly close to them.
A Closer Look
What this can show is that one feels guilty now that they have passed on and as a way to avoid how they feel, they have idealised the other person and the relationship they had with them. Yet even though this doesn’t match up with reality, it allows them to regulate how they feel.
It is then not so much about making the other person look good as it is about making themselves feel good. If they were to get in touch with how they feel at a deeper level, they may find that they also feel ashamed, amongst other things.
When they get in touch with these feelings different memories may start to appear, and these could relate to moments that they want to forget. Perhaps there were times when one didn’t treat the other person very well.
Or they may have been so consumed by their own life that they did get time to see them towards the end of their life. They may have fallen out with them right at the end and not had the chance to resolve what happened.
Yet regardless of what took place, it is going to be in one’s best interest to face how they feel. Through doing this, it will enable one to work through the pain that is within them and to be a whole human being.
If this doesn’t take place, one can end up living on the surface of themselves and the pain within them can lead to a number of different symptoms. This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.