Even though someone can have the need to achieve something in their life, it doesn’t mean they are able to achieve it. And while this may be a sign that their expectations are too high, this might not be the case.
As a result of this, they are likely to be in a position where they are used to feeling frustrated, and they may even have become accustomed to feeling hopeless. If they were to talk to someone about what is taking place, they may end up being asked about what is taking place in their mind.
If this doesn’t happen, they may end up being told that they are simply ‘unlucky’, and that the reason they are not moving forward is because it’s not meant to be. In this case, they are not going to be seen as playing a part in what is happening.
While receiving this kind of feedback may allow them to feel better for a short while, it is not going to empower them. what is it is likely to show is that the person they are talking to is unaware of how they are impacting their own life, and if one allows the other persons outlook to become their outlook, their life is unlikely to change.
When one is encouraged to look within and to see what part they are playing in what is taking place, they may start to understand why they have stayed in the same position for so long. Here, they may start to look at what they believe when it comes to achieving something.
During this time, they may come to see that they need to change their beliefs, and that the beliefs they had were holding them back. However, there is also the chance that they have looked at their beliefs before and therefore, the advice they are receiving is nothing new.
Rise and fall
And while they may have stayed in the same place, they may have had moments in their life where they were able to move forward. But it was only a matter of time before they ended up where they started.
It could then be said that external forces are at work, or that they are sabotaging their own life. This would then be a sign that they are experiencing inner conflict, and if they are not aware of this conflict, it is likely to mean that they need to take a deeper look within themselves
When one has inner conflict it is going to mean that part of them wants something and another part of them doesn’t. The challenge is that this inner conflict if often outside of one’s awareness and this can set them up to victimise themselves.
As a result of this, it can be normal to look outside for reasons as to why something isn’t happening. Getting in touch with what is taking place a deeper level will then be the next stage when it comes to understanding why there life is the way it is.
On one side, this is what is sabotaging their life, but on another, there will be a reason why they are sabotaging their life. Therefore, even though they want to move forward, they are getting something out of staying stuck.
At a conscious level, they may say that there is no benefit to them staying as they are. However, if they take the time to reflect on what would happen if they were to not only move forward but to maintain the level of success that they achieve, they may begin to find out.
One Point in Time
At one point in their life, there could have been a time where they were approved of for playing a certain role. Behaving in a certain way would then have allowed them to feel loved, and this may have been during their childhood years.
Or of this wasn’t the case and there was no pressure on them to play a certain role, they may have decided to play a role in order to feel close to someone else. This is not to say they consciously chose to play this role; as it would have been something that happened as a consequence of their need to feel loved.
The years will have passed but all the time one feels the need to play the same role in order to be loved, it is not going to be possible for them to move forward. Part of them wants to remain loyal to someone (or a number of people from their past), and while this person may still be alive, they may have passed on.
So although they no longer need to remain loyal, it doesn’t mean they are able to just’ let go’. Because of when these loyalties were formed, it would have been a time where being loved was a matter of life or death.
One may have grown up in an environment where their caregivers had very little, if any, money. And as way to remain loyal to them, they stop themselves from being able to support themselves financially.
They may have had caregivers who didn’t have a healthy relationship, and as way to stay loyal to them, they stop themselves from having a healthy intimate relationship. If they were close to one of their caregivers in particular and they suffered, their need to sabotage this area of their life may be even greater
One of their caregivers may have some kind of illness and in order to stay loyal, they may struggle to experience good health. It could also cause them to develop the same symptoms as one of their caregivers.
These are just a few examples of what can take place, and there are many other ways for one to remain loyal to their caregivers. As one becomes aware of what is taking place within them, it will allow them to work through their inner blocks.
This can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group. During this time, one may need to mourn unmet childhood needs, among others things.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.