In general, a man could spend a lot of time being in a passive state and not feel the call to do a great deal. By being this way, he is typically only going to take action when he has to or when he is encouraged to do so.
When it comes to the former, this will relate to when he has to go to work. As for the latter, this will relate to the moments when a friend or family member invites him to do something.
There is also going to be the impact that this has on his relationships. Not only is he likely to seldom reach out to others but when he does, this could be a time when he is often walked over and taken advantage of.
But, even if this does happen, it might be something that he is rarely aware of. Once this has taken place, though, he could feel very low and frustrated.
When he is with a friend or family member, he could be happy to let them make most if not all of the decisions, too. He could have the inclination to agree to do something and not even think about if it is right for him.
He is then not going to act like an individual; he will act like an extension of others. Most likely, a fair amount of resentment is going to build up inside him thanks to him living in this way but as he is unlikely to have a good connection with himself, this is likely to result in him often being depressed.
Based on how he behaves, it will be as if he is a car that doesn’t have an engine or an engine that constantly stops working. Therefore, he will have a vehicle that the needs to be able to go from where he is to wherever he wants to go, but he won’t have the access to the power that is needed.
If he was to reflect on his life, he could wonder why he lacks oomph and why he finds it hard to take action and stand up for himself. Unless this changes, his life is going to continue to pass him by and he will miss out on so much.
What could soon stand out is that he has been this way for as long as he can remember. If so, he could come to the conclusion that he was simply born this way and that there is not a great deal that he can do.
There is the chance that he wasn’t born this way and that he is this way due to what took place during his formative years. And, even if he was born this way, what took place throughout his early years may have still played a big part in what he is like.
Back In Time
Through this stage of his life, he may have been physically harmed by one or both of his parents, in addition to being harmed in other ways. Thus, a time of his life when he needed to feel safe and secure and be loved, to be able to grow and develop, was a time when he was deeply traumatised on a regular basis.
His energy would have been taken away from his need to grow and expand and redirected towards his need to survive in an environment that was brutal, to say the least. As he was powerless and totally dependent at this stage, he couldn’t fight back or find another family.
To handle what was going on and survive, his brain would have automatically repressed the pain he was in and he would have gone into a shut down, collapsed, disconnected and frozen state. This would have caused him to lose touch with his true self and live on the surface of himself.
His aggression or fight instinct would have also been split off, which would have caused him to be out of touch with his self-preservation instinct and the vitality that he needs to embrace life. But, while losing touch with this part of him would cause him problems further down the line, it would have also been a way for him to be seen as less of a threat.
Destined To Be Passive
Taking this into account, he is not this way because there is something inherently wrong with him, or that he is lazy or weak. He is this way because his early years didn’t give him what he needed and greatly undermined him.
It will be essential for him to reconnect to his body and the power that is there but this is not going to happen overnight. Along with the trauma that he is carrying that will push him up, being in his body and connected to his power is likely to be seen as something that is a threat to his very survival.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.