If a man is straight, it could be said that it will be normal for him to have the need to be seen as desirable to the opposite sex. And while this could apply to women in general, it could have far more to do with the type of women that he finds attractive.
Through being seen as desirable, a man can feel good about his appearance and he can feel about himself. Therefore, this is something that is going to have a positive effect on his wellbeing.
However, although he may appreciate the feedback that he gets from women, it doesn’t mean that he will be dependent on it. The reason for this is that he may be able to source validation from inside himself.
Not only this, his whole identity might not be built around him being a desirable man. Thanks to this, the need will be there but even though it is there, it won’t be something that consumes his whole life, and, he will be able to feel good about himself even if this need is not always met.
So if the man is single, he will appreciate the positive feedback that he receives from women, yet it won’t be a need that takes over his whole life. This will allow him to focus on other areas of his life as opposed to being out of balance.
Said another way, he could spend time doing things to make sure that he looks his best but this won’t be something that he is obsessed with. His whole life is then not going revolve around the need to receive this type of feedback from women.
On the other hand, if the man is not single, his need for positive feedback from women may have settled down slightly. This will show that what made up this desire was his need to find someone and the need that he has within him.
It could be said that the need that he has within him is partly due to his need to reproduce and partly due to his ego. Ergo, now that he has found a woman, it is to be expected that the strength of this need would have settled down.
A Key Part
As has been mentioned above, being able to source validation from the inside is going to play a part here. This inner validation will also allow him to connect to the self-acceptance and the masculine element that is inside him.
Thanks to the connection that he has with this part of him, he won’t have a strong need for other people to affirm this part of his nature. Still, it might seem as if a man’s need to be seen as desirable has got very little to do with the masculine element.
A Different Experience
While this is how some men can be, there can be others that are completely dependent on this type of feedback. In order for a man like this to feel a certain way, he will need women to see him as desirable.
What this can illustrate is that his whole identity is based on him being seen as a desirable man. Thus, if he goes too long without receiving positive feedback from a woman, he could soon end up feeling low.
Consequently, he may neglect other areas of his life, or he could end up doing things for the wrong reasons. If the former occurs, it could mean that he doesn’t direct much of his attention towards his career or his relationships.
Whereas if the latter occurs, it could mean that most of his energy is directed into things that will elevate his desirability in the eyes of women. Naturally, this is going to make it hard for him to pay attention to all of his needs and to be true to himself.
It might not matter if he is single or in a relationship, as this need could still be just as strong. If he is single, he could spend a lot of time and energy pursuing women and having sex with them.
Yet if he is in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that this need will settle down. Instead, his need to be seen as desirable could be just as strong and, as it is so strong, he could end up going with other women.
A Closer Look
If a man like this was asked why he has such a strong need to be desired by women or a certain type of woman, he could simply say that this is just part of being a man. Furthermore, he could say that this is just something that feels good.
It can be hard to deny with this; even so, there is a big difference between this need being something that is part of being a man and this need being something that consumes a man’s entire existence. When it consumes his entire existence, it will most likely lead to problems and it could show that something isn’t right.
The reason a man like this can be dependent on this type of feedback from women or a certain type of woman, can be because he is unable to source certain feelings from within. Receiving this type feedback will allow him to feel good about himself, but there can be far more to it.
Under the need to be seen as desirable, the man can have the need for his masculinity to be affirmed. The need to be desired by women will then have very little to do with the feminine element and lot to do with the masculine element.
Why Is This?
At one point in his life, this man may have come to believe that the way for him to be seen as a man is for him to be highly desirable to women. This is why he has such a strong need to be seen as desirable.
If this feedback isn’t forthcoming, he might end up feeling powerless, inadequate and worthless. There is then a strong chance that this man didn’t receive the positive affirmation that he needed from his father during his early years.
If his father had provided the positive feedback and the guidance that he needed during this stage of his life, he probably would have grown up to feel comfortable with his own masculinity. With this part in place, there would have been no reason for him to get caught up in the view that he is only a man if he is highly desirable to women.
When he was growing up, his father might not have been around or, if he was, he might have undermined him. Either way, he wouldn’t have received what he needed to develop a strong sense of self.
If a man can relate to this, and he wants to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
This can be a time when he will be questioning the beliefs that he has formed and working through emotional wounds.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.