Although a man will have a relationship with his mother, if this could be called a relationship, he won’t have much of a relationship with himself. This means that he won’t be aware of most of his needs and is unlikely to value who he is.
He will spend a lot of time in his head and being focused on what is taking place externally. It is not going to be possible for him to leave himself but he will have gone as far away as possible from himself.
As most of his energy will be in his head and directed towards what is going on around him and towards his mother, in particular, his body and his life are going to be starved of energy. This will prevent him from feeling like a separate being; it will be as though he is just an extension of his mother.
Ultimately, he will have the tendency to ignore himself and this is going to mean that he won’t be able to function at his best. But, as he is so focused on what is going on externally, he might not even realise this.
Without being aware of this, he will do his best to avoid the feedback that would shed light on the fact that he has abandoned himself. If he ever feels drained or down, he could soon do something to change how he feels.
He could end up finding something to drink or eat and, before long, he could feel better. By relying on an external source, he will be able to artificially change how he feels for a short while, and all the while being oblivious to what is going on within him.
So, how he is behaving will be harming him but he will continue to behave in the same way. And, even if he was to become aware of what was going on, it doesn’t mean that he would just be able to draw the line and to change.
Most likely, he would still have a strong need to be there for his mother and to neglect himself. At this point, it could be as though someone or something else is in control of him and there is very little that he can do.
Ignorance Is Bliss
As a result of this, although he would now have the chance to change his life, he could have the desire to go back to how he was. Before he would have been able to block out what was going on but now he will be aware of it and yet, he will feel incapable of doing anything about it.
He could experience guilt and experience fear and anxiety if he was to think about expressing himself, let alone actually doing so. From the outside, then, he will be free to express himself but he won’t feel this way on the inside.
Not a Surprise
When he is in touch with himself it is not going to be a very pleasant experience. Naturally, he is going to want to do what he can to avoid himself and to stay focused on others and his mother, in particular.
To use an analogy, his own being will be like a place that causes him to feel uncomfortable. The trouble is that although he might not have to go to this place ever again, he won’t have this option when it comes to himself.
Nowhere to Run
Sooner or later, he is likely to get to the point where he is totally exhausted and can no longer be there for his mother. When this takes place, he will be forced to face what he has been hiding from for all these years.
At this point, he could find that he doesn’t have the energy to do anything and simply can’t function anymore. He won’t have listened to himself and now he will have the chance to change this.
A Time of Surrender
By reaching out for external support, for instance, he will be able to see why he ended up in this position and what he can do to move forward. It could gradually become clear that he hasn’t listened to himself and that he needs to start treating himself with love and respect.
He is likely to carry a lot of inner junk and this will prevent him from knowing that he is valuable, his needs are important and that he deserves to live a fulfilling life. This will be a time of letting go of what doesn’t belong to him.
He will have lived on the surface of himself for so long and now he will be getting back into his body and reacquainting himself with his true self. During his early years, his mother would have most likely used him to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood needs.
This would have caused him to lose touch with his true self, his body, and to focus on her needs. If he didn’t do this, he probably would have been punished, disapproved of and/or abandoned.
Many, many years will have passed since that stage of his life but he will have continued to live in the same way. Now will be the time for him to drop the mask that has been wearing for so long and to gradually step into who he is.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.