If someone was to come across a man who is emotionally entangled with his mother, what could soon stand out is that he neglects himself and doesn’t stand his ground. So, it will be as though he doesn’t have needs or have the ability to protect himself.
But, although ignoring his own needs and being walked over will be having a negative effect on him, he will create the impression that this is not the case. In a way, he will be like a punching bag that, no matter how many times it is hit, always goes back to its original shape.
This is then going to be a man who is totally out of touch with both himself and his aggression/fight instinct. This is why he won’t realise that he is neglecting himself and will tolerate being walked over.
His attention will primarily be on what is taking place externally and on his mother, in particular. As a result of this, his mother’s needs will be his needs and her feelings his feelings.
Living on the Surface
One way for someone to get an idea of how he experiences life would be for them to imagine that he is sat on the roof of a car. Naturally, this will stop him from being able to drive the car.
In the same way, he will appear to be a whole human being but he will typically live in his head and, perhaps, he will be strongly connected to his genitals from time to time. To bring it together: as he is not inside the car, he won’t be aware of the information on the dashboard (his needs and feelings) and he won’t be able to get the engine going (to be connected to his power)
A Domesticated Slave
Based on how he behaves, he could appear to be a man who has had his genitals removed and, consequently, is more like his mothers servant than her son. Clearly, this will show that something isn’t right.
This man should be in touch with himself and be connected to his inherent power; his life shouldn’t revolve around his mother. The trouble is that while this won’t be right, he is not going to have the need to do anything about what is taking place.
For his life to change, he will need to become aware of what is going on and to accept that he is not living in the right way. Thanks to how long his life has been this way, he is not going to be able to see clearly.
For this to happen, he may need to get into a relationship and/or to have a breakdown. By either having his partner shed light on what is going on and/or no longer being able to carry on living in the same way, he may gradually be able to change his life.
The reason why living in this way will be what is normal and it won’t have been possible for him to see clearly is that, during his early years, his mother will have most likely used him to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood needs. From day one, he would have been trained to focus on her and to ignore himself.
If he did express himself, he would have probably been disapproved of, punished, and/or abandoned. Losing touch with himself and not having his needs met would have been incredibly painful but he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it.
The First Part
He would have experienced a physical birth, then, but he wouldn’t have experienced an emotional birth. He needed his mother to provide him with the right nutrients so that he could feel emotionally whole and complete.
Due to what took place at this stage of his life, he would have stayed in a developmentally stunted state and he would have been loaded up with a lot of pain. He would have developed a false self that allowed him to function but behind this mask is likely to be a man who feels like a neglected boy.
The Second Part
After the experiences that he had with his mother for the first few years of his life, he won’t have stayed connected to his body or felt emotionally strong. He would have been a divided being.
As the years passed, his father may have also harmed him if he didn’t do what his mother wanted or simply tried to express himself. His father would have deeply traumatised him and, if he hadn’t lost touch with his aggression/fight instinct already, he would have soon lost touch with it.
Without realising it, both his parents would have done what they could to stop their son from developing into an autonomous human being who was in touch with this own power. Therefore, although they won’t have literally castrated him, at a mental and emotional level, they will have taken his power away.
It won’t matter that his genitals will still be attached to him as he will feel like he is missing the fire that he needs to take life by the horns, so to speak. He will need to reconnect to his body and his fire to transform and to live his own life.
If a man can relate to this and is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.