If a man is in a position where his life revolves around his mother and he is neglecting himself but he is unable to accept this, it is not going to be possible for him to change his life. His life will continue to go in the same direction and he will suffer as a result.
Now, while he could be single and not have any real friends, he could be in a relationship and have a number of real friends. If he is single and doesn’t have any real friends, there might not be anyone in his life who can see what is going on and support him. Isolated Consequently, he will essentially live in a closed system as he won’t spend time with anyone who points out what is going on and encourages him to change his life. Of course, his mother could point out that he needs to live his life but the chances of this taking place are slim to none. The reason for this is that she is likely to believe that he is on this earth to meet her needs. Moreover, it might not even occur to her that he has his own needs and life to lead. Another Reality If, on the other hand, he is in a relationship and has real friends, he is going to have people around him who can see what is going on and are supportive. Thanks to this, he won’t be able to see what is going on but some of the people in his life will be able to. However, even if he does have people around him that are like this, it doesn’t mean that what they say will go in let alone be accepted. So, he could deny what they say and not allow himself to truly think about what they say. A Strange Scenario He is then not only going to be abandoning himself but he won’t be willing to do anything about it. Based on how he behaves, it will be as if he is doing the right thing and has not turned his back on himself. Naturally, it is going to be hard for his partner and/or friends to come to terms with what is going on. To them, it will be clear what is going on, but, to him, what they say won’t have any basis in reality. What is going on? For some reason, he won’t be willing to face reality and so, no matter what they say or do, it is unlikely to have an impact on him. Due to this, they are likely to be wasting their time by trying to get through to him. Still, while it can seem as though he is consciously choosing to avoid reality, this is unlikely to be the case. Most likely, his brain is stopping him from facing up to what is actually going on and, thus, he has very little conscious control over how he is behaving. Clouded Vision One way to look at this would be to imagine that he is in an altered state and this is why he is unable to see clearly. He is then not going to be drunk or high on drugs, for instance, but the experience that he is having will be very similar. As to why he is this way, it is likely to be a sign that he is carrying a lot of pain. Therefore, as destructive as it will be for him to be this way, it is allowing him to keep this pain at bay and to keep it together and function. Weighed Down What this also illustrates is how he is seeing with his brain, not his eyes, as do human beings as a whole. With this in mind, if he was to face reality, this would start to unlock some of the pain that he is able to keep at bay by not facing it. This is why, as important as it is for him to ‘wake up’ so that he can start to live his own life, this is not something that can be forced. If he was forced to ‘wake up’ and he wasn’t aware of how to deal with this pain, he could end up being in a very bad way. Going Deeper The pain that would arise during this time is likely to relate to the pain that he had to repress during his formative years. Throughout this stage of his life, he is likely to have largely been deprived of the love that he needed and used by his mother to meet some of her adult and unmet developmental needs. Feeling rejected, unwanted, unloved, helpless and hopeless would have then been normal. To handle what was going on, he would have been forced to block out reality and create a false view of reality and repress the pain that he was in and his unmet developmental needs. A Process This would have also involved him losing touch with his true self and creating a disconnected false self. Keeping this false self in place and his pain and unmet development needs outside of his conscious awareness will be essential for him to hold it together. If he does ‘wake up’ it will be when he is ready and working through this repressed inner material and reconnecting with himself will take time. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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