If a certain term is used to describe someone, then it can mean that they fit a certain criterion. In this case, the term that has been used will be appropriate and it won’t be a sign that they have been mislabelled.
When it comes to a man who has been described as a mother-enmeshed man, there is the chance that this is an accurate assessment. However, even though this can be the case, it doesn’t mean that he will be exactly the same as another man who is this way.
What he will have in common with other men who are in this position is that he is going to be overly preoccupied with his mother and her needs, and his emotional survival will also be attached to her. Consequently, his mother will be the centre of his world and pleasing her will be essential.
As a result of this, his needs and his life are going to be neglected, which will mean that he is going to be a watered-down version of himself. Most likely, he will have been this way for most of his life.
It’s Not Black And White
Nonetheless, although this will need to be so in order for a man to be given this description, he could still be very different to another man who has been. For one thing, one man could be in this position and be totally unaware of it.
On the other hand, another man could be in this position and be only too aware of what is going on and how out of balance he is. Naturally, this is going to have an impact on not only how quickly a man will be able to move foward, but if he is able to.
A Massive Difference
So, if a woman is in a relationship with a man who is not aware of this and is even in denial about it, she will need to be patient. Then again, it might be necessary for her to draw the line and to walk away.
If he is not willing to acknowledge what is going on and has been this way for quite some time, she might be wasting her precious life. Yet, if she is with a man who is aware of this, then it will be possible for both the man and the relationship to change.
Sand or Stone
If he is not aware of what is going on and doesn’t want to be, it could show that he has a very weak sense of self. Thus, if he was to see clearly, he could end up coming into contact with a lot of pain.
Yet, if a man can see clearly and he is willing or even actively working on his wounds, he could have fairly strong foundations. Although they might not be made of stone, they will be strong enough to allow him to face reality and to gradually move forward.
Is the Fire burning?
Another thing that will have a big impact is whether the man is typically out of touch with his aggression or if he has a fairly strong connection with it. If a man is totally focused on his mother and can’t say no to her, then it can show that this part of him has been completely split off.
Without this, he won’t have access to the energy that he needs to be able to assert himself and live his own life. If a man does have a connection to his aggression, as weak as this may be, this will give him a vital source of energy.
An Important Connection
If a man is in the first position, it can mean that he won’t have a good connection with his body. Due to this, he can find it hard to connect to his true self, so his needs, feelings, and wants.
This is going to also make it hard for him to move forward as he won’t be aware of the parts of himself that would give him the need to change his life. For the man who is somewhat connected to his body and his true self, he will often be in touch with the parts of him that will give him the need to live his own life.
Back In Time
What his experience is like can largely depend on what took place during his early years. Most likely, this was a stage of his life when his mother used him to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood needs.
But, while this would have almost certainly have taken place, what else took place is not as certain. Still, by being used by his mother, it would have meant that his developmental needs were not met and this would have stopped him from being able to grow and develop.
A Grey Area
When it comes to what also took place that had an impact on him, there is the chance that his father wasn’t around during this time. Or if he was, he might not have been emotionally available.
If he wasn’t emotionally present, it would have meant that he didn’t provide his son with the love, support, encouragement and guidance that he needed. Further, he may have been verbally and physically abusive.
A Different Set of Wounds
If his father wasn’t around, there will be wounds that he will need to deal with in regards to feeling rejected, worthless, abandoned and unloved. These wounds can also be the same if he was around but, if he was physically abusive, he will have to deal with the terror, fear and sense of annihilation that he would have routinely experienced in his father’s presence.
If the former took place, he might be overly responsible for his mother but not overly submissive. Yet, if the latter took place, he could be overly responsible and equally as submissive.
What these points illustrate is that this is not something that is black and white. Nonetheless, putting a man who has certain traits in a box can settle someone’s mind and give them a sense of certainty.
What is clear, though, is that if a man is this way he probably suffered greatly very early on. The key, regardless of how entrenched he is, will be for him to reach out for the support that he needs and to keep going.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.