Due to the mask that a mother-enmeshed man is likely to wear, he can create the impression that he is happy and is pleased with his life. Behind the facade that he presents to the world, though, will be what is actually going on for him.
If he was to be with himself and embraced how he really felt, he could soon feel down and deeply depressed. The experience that he has is then going to be radically different to the one that he typically has around others.
If the people in his life and his mother, in particular, were to become aware of how he really feels, they could be surprised. Then again, his mother might not be able to truly see him and thus, might not be too concerned about how he feels.
In general, he might not be aware of how he feels, with him doing what he can to keep his true feelings at bay. This can be something that takes place both consciously and unconsciously.
So, not only will he deceive others, but he will also have the tendency to deceive himself. If he does come into contact with how he feels, he could end up doing or consuming something that will allow him to artificially change how he feels.
What he will be doing is pushing how he feels out of his mind and into his body. It will then seem as though these feelings have been removed, yet they will have simply been removed from his conscious awareness.
A Big Struggle
As time passes, it is likely to get harder for him to continue to behave in this way. A lot of his energy will be used to keep his true feelings at bay and a lot of his energy will be held inside these “negative” feelings.
As a result of this, it is to be expected that there will come a point in time when he can no longer behave in the same way. When this happens, he could have a breakdown, and this can be something that will shock a lot of people.
What is clear is that he doesn’t feel comfortable showing how he truly feels; if he did, he would be able to freely express himself and he wouldn’t need to wear a mask. This will probably show that he has a strong need to please others and his mother, in particular.
Deep down, he can believe that if he doesn’t play a certain role, a role where he is there for others and acts needless, he will be rejected and abandoned. Keeping everything in and not living a life that reflects who he is is naturally going to take its toll on him.
Some of the feelings that he will keep looked inside him will be anger, rage and hate. Having these feelings held inside him will take away a lot of his power, making him passive and unable to change his life.
A big part of what will allow him to get out of the immobilised state he is in will be for him to embrace these feelings. Until that time, he will be like a car that doesn’t have an engine; he will have been stripped of his power and he won’t get very far.
A Closer Look
If a man was able to take a step back and reflect on what is going on, he may struggle to understand why he is this way. For him to understand why he is this way, he will probably need to look into what took place during his early years.
What he may find, if he was to do this, is that his mother used him to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood needs. This would have meant that most of his needs were overlooked and he had to be there for his mother.
If he expressed his needs, he would have probably been disapproved of, punished and/or abandoned. Ultimately, he would have been forced to play a role and to act needless in order to survive.
Destined To Suffer
Many, many years will have passed since this stage of his life but, in many ways, he will continue to behave in the same way. Back then, he would have had to lose touch with his needs and feelings and develop a false self, and this false self will be the mask that he wears.
Unsurprisingly, letting go of this mask and being fully connected to this true self won’t take place overnight; it will take patience and persistence. But, the sooner he starts to heal himself, the sooner his life will change.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.