Mother-Enmeshed Men: Can A Mother-Enmeshed Man Become His Mothers Enabler?

If a man missed out on the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way during his formative years, it is not going to be a surprise if he behaves like an extension of his mother now that he is an adult. He will no longer be a powerless and dependent child, but, as he was deprived, he won’t realise this deep down.

As he was unlikely to have been able to emotionally attach to her and then break away, his survival will still be attached to her. This will relate to both his emotional and physical survival.

Two Levels

Physically, then, he will be a man, but, deep down, he will feel like a deeply wounded boy. When what is taking place for him at an emotional level is taken into account, it will make sense as to why he is inside his mother’s world.

Many, many years will have passed since he was a boy and yet, he won’t have really changed emotionally. So, even though he is now an adult and does have control over his life, this is not something that he will realise.

Beaten Down

Along with what was not provided by his mother, there is also likely to have been what was not provided by his father. His father might not have been around, or he might have been around but lacked backbone and been walked over.

If he was around, as opposed to having a father, then, who was in his power and stood up to his mother; he would have had a father that tolerated what was going on and acted more like her servant than her equal. This would have meant that his father supported her destructive behaviour and allowed it to continue.

The Same Role

Now, if the man was to step back and reflect on his own behaviour, what he may see is that he is playing a very similar role to the one that his father played very early on. Perhaps his father is around or perhaps he has passed on.

Either way, just as his father would have put up with his mother’s destructive behaviour and met some of her needs, he himself will do the same thing. He could see that if his father had stood his ground, his mother probably would have had to change and, if he was to change his behaviour, his mother would also have to change.

No Boundaries

Thanks to how his father behaved when he was a child and how he is behaving now that he is an adult, his mother was able to and is still able to avoid taking responsibility for her destructive behaviour. This is likely to go back even further, with there being people in her life before she met his father who also behaved in the same way.

If he didn’t take the next step and look into what he can do to change his life, he could end up with a woman who is very similar to his mother. Not only this, he could end up having a son, and, instead of standing up for him, he could abandon him and allow his mother to use him.

History Repeats Itself

He would then go from being the one who wasn’t protected, to being the one who doesn’t protect. By being in an underdeveloped state and not being in his own power, he wouldn’t be able to stand up for his son as he would fear being rejected and abandoned.

And, as he wouldn’t be emotionally available, as a result of being in a traumatised state and emotionally caught up with his own mother, his partner would also be unavailable. This would then play a part, along with her own early deprivation, in why she would look towards her own son to be there for her.

Stepping Back

Nonetheless, as things stand, he is going to have enough to deal with without having to think about what could happen if he didn’t take the next step and was to end up with a woman who was like his mother and had a son. Additionally, he is not going to be choosing to consciously experience life in this way, so there is no need for him to blame himself and create unnecessary pressure around what might happen in the future if behaves in the same way.

What is important is for him to realise that he was abandoned early on and this left him in a bad way. However, what he can keep in mind is that now that he is an adult, he has what it takes to gradually change his life.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

---

​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk