Mother-Enmeshed Men: Can A Mother-Enmeshed Man Believe That He Let His Ex Down?

A few weeks, months or even years ago, a man who is emotionally entangled with his mother might have been in a relationship. He might seldom if ever think about his ex, or he could often think about her.

When he does think about her, he could feel angry and let down, and he could wonder why she didn’t stick around. If so, this could show that he sees her as the bad one and himself as the good one.

Another Part

There is a chance that part of him saw and still sees her as his mother and as someone who was and is still responsible for him. Therefore, as she is no longer around, it is to be expected that he will feel let down and perhaps betrayed.

Part of him might hope that she will reach out to him and be part of his life again. However, if she made it clear that she wasn’t willing to put up with how things were; this is unlikely to take place.

Another Position

Then again, when he does think about her, he could feel angry but he could also feel guilty and ashamed. In this case, even if part of him saw her and still sees her as his mother, there is going to be another part that didn’t and doesn’t.

What this will illustrate is that he has taken the time to reflect on what took place and has perhaps started to heal his inner wounds. Thanks to this, he won’t be completely blinded by his history.

Out of Balance

What could stand out is that he was too focused on his mother and this was why he couldn’t be there for his ex. What’s more, he could see that he was not in how power and this is why he wasn’t about to stand up to his mother and implement boundaries.

He would then have wanted to be with the woman that he was with and have a relationship with her but he wasn’t able to do so. There could be moments when he feels like a failure and very low.

An Inner Battle

Consequently, he will no longer be with someone that he wanted to be with but he will often criticise himself for what happened. What he will need to keep in mind, at this point, is that he won’t have consciously chosen to experience this outcome.

He won’t have been in a good way and he still might be, so this outcome was more or less destined to happen. What matters now is that he is able to reflect on what took place and is doing what he can to gradually move forward.

The Other Side

If, on the other hand, he simply blamed his ex and wasn’t willing to look in the mirror, his life is unlikely to change. This approach would probably stop him from having to feel too bad about himself but it wouldn’t do much else.  

And, before long, that’s if he were to start another relationship, he is likely to have an experience that is the same or at the very least, very similar.  Ergo, by being able to accept that he played his part, he will be in the driver’s seat.

An Important Understanding

Also, although he will feel as though he let her down, what he can keep in mind is that they didn’t just randomly cross paths and develop a relationship. A big part of what pulled them together was the wounds that had not been healed from their early years.

Of course, there are likely to have been other elements that pulled them together. With this in mind, it won’t be that he is the bad one and she is the good one, as she played a big part in why she met a man who couldn’t commit to her.

The Key Point

Once again, just as he won’t have consciously chosen to have the experience that he had, she won’t have consciously chosen to have the experience that she had either. What this emphasises is that compared with the unconscious mind, the conscious mind doesn’t have much of an impact.

So, as he is developing a greater understanding of himself and is healing himself, his ability to behave in a way that will serve him will improve. For however long, he will have turned his back on himself but now this will have changed.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this, he may need external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.  

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk