Mother-Enmeshed Men: Can A Mother-Enmeshed Man Embody A Sense Of Helplessness?

If a man was to see that he is out of balance, after focusing on his mother and not having much of a life for however long, he can look into what he can do to change his life. He can then be angry and fed up with how his life is but he can be relieved that he can now do something about it.

What could be only too clear is that if he hadn’t become aware, he would have continued to live in the same way. His life would then have continued to pass and he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it.

The Catalyst

As to what caused him to see clearly, it might have been a breakup, a job loss or a serious illness. But, whatever it was that allowed this to take place; it will have been a blessing in disguise.

At this point, he could be angry that it has taken him this long to see clearly. Still, what he can also focus on is that this could have been something that took place a lot later in his life.

The Other Side

By keeping this in mind, it might be possible for him to feel grateful for what has taken place. Also, feeling grateful will allow him to use his energy to gradually break away from his mother and live his own life.

If, on the other hand, he was to be caught up on how long it has taken him to ‘wake up’, he would be wasting his precious energy. And, right now, he will need to direct as much energy as he can towards his own liberation.

Another Scenario

Alternatively, after coming to see that he is out of balance, he might not feel the need to do anything about what is going on. The reason for this is that he could feel totally helpless and hopeless.

Consequently, he won’t believe that he can do anything about his life. Due to this, he might even wish that he wasn’t aware of what was going on so that he could continue to live in the same way without knowing that it wasn’t serving him.

External Feedback

If he was to talk to a friend or a family member about what is going on for him, they could be very understanding and supportive. They could make it clear that he is not here to focus on his mother and that he deserves to have his own life.

After this, they could say that he is not powerless and that he has what it takes to gradually change his life. He might even be told that he needs to change his thoughts and what he believes so that he is able to embrace his own power.

The Issue

But, if he didn’t reach out to a friend or family member and looked for answers online; he could still be told that what is going on in his mind is what is holding him back. Therefore, the way for him to move forward will be to change his negative thoughts and beliefs.

If he was to try this approach, he may find that he is able to slowly see that he is not powerless. Then again, this approach might have very little if any effect on how he feels.

A Closer Look

In fact, this approach could merely cause him to feel as though he is trying to deny how he feels. As opposed to changing how he feels, it will just be causing him to be in a battle with another part of him.

There is a strong chance that what is going on in his mind is not solely defining how he feels. Said another way, what is going on in his mind will also trigger feelings that are held inside him.

Now, to understand why he would be carrying feelings that relate to him being helpless, hopeless, and powerless, it will be necessary to explore what is likely to have taken place during his formative years. This is likely to have been a time when he was deprived of the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way.

Back In Time

His mother was probably developmentally stunted, deeply traumatised and emotionally unavailable, with this being the reason why she was unable to truly be there for him. She would then have been his mother but she would have needed a mother herself.

Consequently, she would have looked towards him to be there for her, to meet some of her adult and unmet developmental needs. The outcome of this is that a number of his developmental needs wouldn’t have been met and he would have been deeply wounded in the process.

One Option

To handle what was going on, he would have been forced to disconnect from a number of his needs and feelings, so his true self, and create a disconnected false self. This means that he would have gone into a shut down and collapsed state physical state.

As he was powerless and totally dependent at this stage of his life, there wasn’t anything that he could have done about what was going on. This was then a time when he didn’t simply feel helpless and hopeless, he was helpless and hopeless and giving up and not resisting would have prevented him from suffering even more.

The Truth

With this in mind, what is taking place in his mind is going to be a reflection of what is going on for him when it comes to his emotional body and his nervous system. Thanks to what he experienced, he is going to be carrying a lot of pain and unmet developmental needs.

Unless this changes, he will continue to carry the impact of his past around and won’t be able to realise that he is no longer powerless. Working through this pain and experiencing these unmet developmental needs will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk