Mother-Enmeshed Men: Can A Mother-Enmeshed Man Fear Leaving His Mothers World?

If a man is in a position where he is emotionally entangled with his mother, it is likely to stop him from living his own life. Instead of being aware of his own needs and doing what he can to meet them, he is likely to be focused on his mother's needs and do what he can to meet them. 

As a result of this, most of his time on this planet will be spent doing things for his mother. In general, apart from his basic needs, most of his needs will probably be overlooked.

It's Invisible

Now, although this is going to have a negative on him and his relationship, if he is in one, he might not even realise that he is out of balance. Being there for his mother is going to feel like the right thing to do.

Moreover, he has probably been this way for most of his life, so there will be no reason for what he is doing to stand out. To carry on behaving in this way, he will have to block out the feedback that would shed light on the fact that he is neglecting himself.

The Enemy

If he is in a relationship and his partner tries to get through to him, she could end up being seen as the problem. Most likely, she will be trying to help him but he could believe that she is just being critical or has something against his mother.

The ideal will be for him to accept that she is actually on his side and is not trying to undermine him. There is the chance that he will gradually be able to accept this over time and to "wake up."

A Big Realisation

If this was to take place, he could gradually come to see that his life revolves around his mother and that he acts like he is nothing more than an extension of her. He will then be an individual but he won't act like one.

Furthermore, he can see that although he acts like he is a needless human being, this is not the case. But, as he has been so focused on his mothers needs, he hasn't been able to accept, let alone tune into, his own needs.

Locked In

Yet, although he can become aware of this, as well as other things, he can find that he is not able to simply draw the line with his mother. On one hand, then, he will know that behaving in this way is not serving him, and, on the other, he won't be able to implement boundaries.

Another way of looking at this would be to say that at an intellectual level he is ready to change but at an emotional level, he isn't. If it wasn't for this inner conflict, he would be able to simply change his life for the better.

Holding On

So, he will have come to see that he is stuck in his mother's world and living in her world is preventing him from living a life that is worth living, yet he won't just be able to step out of it. If he was to think about drawing the line, let alone actually draw the line, he could feel deeply uncomfortable. 

Pulling away from his mother and living his own life could cause him to feel as though he will be abandoned at that his life will come to an end. What this will show is that even though he is a man, he is likely to feel like a traumatised boy.

Going Deeper

In all likelihood, his mother used him to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood needs, and this would have prevented him from receiving what he needed in order to grow and develop. He would then have experienced a physical birth but he wouldn't have experienced an emotional birth.

It was the second birth that would have allowed him to stay connected to his true self and to develop a strong sense of self. Therefore, as he was deprived of the nutrients that he needed and was used by his mother, it is to be expected that he will be both developmentally stunted and will carry a lot of deep pain.

A natural Outcome

Taking this into account, it is not a surprise that he won't just be able to step out of his mothers world and live his own life. The pain that he experienced when he tried to act like an individual during his early years will be unlocked when he tries to act like one as an adult.

The pain that arises will relate to when he was abandoned and had to repress this pain to survive. However, without the understanding that this pain relates to what has already happened, it will seem as though he will be abandoned and will die if he doesn't please his mother.

The Liberation Process

When he was being traumatised throughout his early years, he wouldn't have been able to run away or to do anything about his mother's behaviour. His only option was to disconnect from the pain and become more estranged from himself.

To step into his power, to emotionally grow up and live his own life, he will need to work through this pain. There are likely to be many, many layers of pain inside him, which is why this won't take place overnight.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk